The *Real* Train

Have you ever had a day where you swear your I.Q. has plummeted without reason and you've caught a case of temporary amnesia?

I had one of those days. I would have forgotten my stupid head if it was not attached! And I'm telling you this, not so you can make fun of me, but so you know I'm not always "yeah, me!" and sometimes suck in the mental department!

For the ACHE Congress, I usually commute via train. I don't mind driving into Chi now, it's just the parking situation that gives me fits. So I left my house at 6 a.m. to catch my train into downtown Chi. I had to pick up my portfolio and register before the 8 a.m. session started. And there are 5,000 people at the conference (all in the black and charcoal suits) and it's rather intimidating to navigate your way around a huge hotel while in a rush, parting a sea of black and gray.

Anyway, I arrived at the train station early. Staying warm in my car, I was fiddling with my phone, checking out peoples' Facebook pictures. I always lose track of time when I do that...then, from out of the foggy pre-dawn, the computerized announcer comes over the PA system to tell passengers that the next westbound train was approaching the station. I gasped, "What?!?" Then I grabbed my bags, locked my car, and ran to the train station. Everyone else was sauntering in their half-sleep. I scaled the steps two-by-two to the platform to see the tail lights of the train disappearing into the gray fog.

@$%&#!! Seriously? Why was the stupid train early? Isn't this like Europe, where you can set your watch by the trains?

Some young girl, probably a student, looked over at me and said, "the real train comes in 4 minutes."

Snotty brat.

Instead of making a face at her, I just let it roll off my back. Besides, my legs were shaking from having done the 100 meter dash and three flights of steps in 30 seconds. I was trying to play it cool and not look like I was about to pass out from the lack of oxygen!

So the real train came and all was well. The conference portion went really well. As with any conference, the 'meat' of the presentations are good, but you learn the most from the conversations you have with people before and after. I met a system CEO of a hospital system in Indiana (one of Muppet's competitors). I know he was just killing time talking to lil ol' me, but that was fine. I learned so much from that guy; he was a quasi-egotistical sage of CEO-dom. He mentioned that he'd help me if I had questions along the administrator path and offered to put in a good word with the CEO of Tampa's BayCare system if I really wanted to move there (we both like Tampa Bay). I was thrilled; after an hour, we were practically soulmates, right? While you do click with people at times, it was a bit strange...but I found myself jotting down notes about our conversation when i was in my next session (when I should have been paying attention to healthcare costs as a portion of the GDP and what my generation has to do about it because all the current CEO's will be living in their villas in Anguilla).

Day One was awesome. Especially because my assistant was obviously taking very good care of my email box. She keeps me from overflowing while I'm out...but it dawned on me that I hadn't received an email since about 9:30 a.m. Then I realized I was going to miss some friends I had planned to meet for a quick dinner because I wasn't getting emails. My email wasn't working and I was stuck. Dangit!!!!!

Suddenly without plans and without an urge to shop, I ran to the nearest train station a few blocks away, relishing the thought of a restful evening. I was SO exhausted after the day and while I love my friends, I could catch them the next day. Arriving at the train station, I checked my little time grid, saw that a train was due in 5 minutes, and marveled at my good luck. Who-hoo!

My train arrived, full to the brim. As the doors began to close after me, the conductor announced that this train was not stopping at my particular stop. Huh? I dashed off the train, and waited for the real train which was another 3 minutes later. I never pick up trains from that station and had no idea.

The real train then arrived and I jumped on. I settled into my Wall Street Journal. Anxious to go home, I checked my little time grid to check out my arrival time. It skipped my station. Huh? I studied the grid for a full 3 minutes before deducing that the first train, the mistaken train that supposedly wasn't stopping at my stop, WAS indeed my real train. DANGIT!!!!!

I disembarked at a station before my skipped station. Luckily, there are enough idiots who do the same thing and a small group of us huddled on the platform to await the next train. 13 minutes later, we were on our way home. I talked the conductor into NOT charging me for another train ride.

THEN, for my last stop before collapsing on the couch in my pj's, I stopped to fill up my gas tank. After topping off, I nearly forgot to close my fuel cap. Then I forgot to clear my credit card info. Then when I arrived home, safe in the confines of my own garage, I put my car in "park," grabbed my stuff, and got out. Then I promptly got back in the car to TURN OFF THE IGNITION. DANGIT!!!!!!!

Luckily, Day Two of the conference was much much smoother and I wasn't such an airhead. But I've already blabbed enough for tonight and will save my hot air for another night!