End of an Era

So I've developed a unique habit of going to bed by 8:30 or 9 p.m. and watching something fulfilling and life-giving such as "The Cosby Show" or "Full House."  But that's only if "Friends" or "Chopped" isn't on.  I'm so not a television person and it's on in the background as I read.  There's something comforting about Rudy Huxtable and Uncle Jesse....

I feel tapped out.  I'm not complaining, mind you (!), just jotting down my feelings.  This past weekend was exhausting to me.  A dear old friend of mine visited for a few days and while it was nice to see her, it reminded me of how divergent our lives have become.  She's become the quintessential mom who makes all the organic food mixes and home-made lotions and lip balms.  I.....don't have children and I don't have time to go buy lip balm.  The visit illustrated the vast differences in our lives.  It was difficult to counter each story about a 3-year old's life journey with a tale about a lawsuit at work or an accreditation survey.  She wanted to talk about parenting ethics and psychology and I wanted to discuss current events (what in the HECK happened to that Malaysian Airlines flight?!).  I wanted to share cheese and wine and talk about career trajectory and she wanted to drink water and discuss parenting philosophies.

We both wanted different things.  It somehow turned into a friendly, polite discussion of who has the harder life.  Me, with my crazy hours and stress?  Her, with her children and educational position?  It's not even apples to apples; it's like comparing apples to Camry's.   I sort of understand what people mean when they say "irreconcilable differences" now.  

It felt a little like oil and water.  No matter how hard we tried to reconcile our differences, it was just different.  I love her like a sister but even despite my efforts to let the differences go, I couldn't help but mourn things a bit.  I felt a pit at the bottom of my stomach.  In the words of Friends, it was "the end of an era."  I had a feeling I wouldn't see her for a while, until our divergent lives turned a little and our paths could intersect once again.  

After I dropped her off at the airport, I drove home thinking about my life.  I like my life.  I LOVE my life.  When I contrast the life I could have had against my current life, I suddenly realize that God knew what He was doing when He directed me down a certian path.  Sometimes I can't say I'm giddy happy about my job but there are times when I can't help but smile about how things are going.  Is it tough?  Of course.  Not having children is very diffficult and because I look young for my age, I still get the question ever week or two, about how "someday" I'll have babies.  People tell me that I'll "soon understand it all" when we have babies.  Heck, I can't even eat Saltine crackers without people thinking I'm cooking a muffin in the oven.  

But that's not what God wanted for Jack and me.  And it's okay.  I've come to accept this fate and instead, we host friends and dinner parties and go out on random Wednesdays with my doctors at work who need to blow off steam while watching Pacers games.  

Sometimes I wish others would realize that God's different plan for us is different.  Sometimes God has crazy plans for us that illustrate His sense of humor.  All that matters is that I love my life and its direction....even if we divert from the norm.  

Hey, I had a small serving off French Fries for dinner!  How many parents can do that?!