Sittin' on the dock of the bay

Already, there is more to the story.  

I just hung up with my aunt, my dad's sister.  It turns out that she did not have a contact number for me and called my parents to have them contact me or to get my contact info.  My aunt called my parents' house twice....and they were in Indianapolis at my house.  

So my parents received those two voicemails today around 2:30pm, when they got home from visiting us in Indy.  That makes me feel better...the Facebook thing was because no one could seemingly find me.  

The other details are pretty marked...he had a massive stroke at some point Thursday evening.  His wife found him slumped over in a chair and barely able to mumble anything.  By the time the paramedics arrived, he was unresponsive.  It went that fast.  They rushed him to the hospital and all the while, he was unconscious.  He was in ICU from 12:30 a.m. Friday morning and they began the range of Imaging and neurological tests to determine brain function and the depth of the stroke.  It was a terrible stroke, massive, in the deepest recesses of his brain.  No surgical intervention could have helped and the stroke was progressing.  His brain was full of blood and it was getting worse.  

There were only two options...to trach him and keep him on a ventilator with a feeding tube until his heart gave out...or to discontinue the vent.  I'm so grateful, from a human and ethical perspective, that they discontinued the vent Saturday morning.  Palliative care nurses made him comfortable and he passed away peacefully within two hours of them discontinuing the vent.  It gives me such peace to know he passed quickly and peacefully.  

I'm still mad that we had to lose 15 years of relationship (or whatever it was) because he didn't want me or need me in his life.  My emotions are ranging from anger to sadness to a sense of helplessness regarding my own mortality.  But all things considered, it could have been far worse.  I do hope he is resting in peace.  

The song "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" always reminded me of him.  I hope he's sitting on the dock of the bay in heaven.