Probably just part of my neuroses!
So how did I spend my first Saturday, truly off since about 2007?
[Please don't judge.]
I watched a certain (and will remain nameless) 90's movie featuring Alicia Silverstone. Then Jack came downstairs and turned on the Cooking Channel. I don't usually care about food, I don't enjoy cooking, and it's not something I consider a hobby. But I felt entranced by Bobby Flay's brunch offerings. I called one of my BFF's and as we hung up, I noticed that a new show had begun: "Real Girls' Kitchen." The "star" on it was surprisingly inviting and charming. Upon googling her, I found that I was shamelessly watching Haylie Duff. There's something magnetic about her "real kitchen" in which she makes a "skinny salad" in her Malibu beachhouse.
Um, okay. Yeah, that's real, Haylie. After I finish filming movies, I ALSO retreat to my oceanside beachhouse and eat microgreens before my personal boxing trainer comes to whip my butt into shape in my open-air Italian garden. Yup. It's like we're cut from the same cloth.
But I can't help it. I absolutely refuse to watch the Kardashian's but the Duff's are really cute. In their "unreal" kitchen. And hey, if I ever want to rent out an entire restaurant in Manhattan for my mom's birthday, I know how to do that now.
I can't even articulate the feeling of peace I have today. Not just because my degree is FINALLY done, but because work has also downshifted. Instead of 500 emails a day and 10 hours of meetings (and then catching up on said emails during the evening hours), my days are now either crazy or dead. I'm either having a 15 hour day with hundreds of miles of driving and life or death decisions or I'm hanging out at home, watching the morning news because I don't have a meeting until 9 or 10 a.m. and can easily monitor incoming emails from my lovely iPhone.
The treadmill is now a leisurely walk. I can run if I want to, but I control the pace. I lunched with a colleague on Thursday (another revolution...In my 6 years in hospital operations, I think I left campus for lunch MAYBE 10 times. Most of the battle was that you lose your parking spot and would have to walk 15 minutes back to your office - all while being windblown and hurried. Yeah, I'll stick to my trail mix that I throw back in my office. My new life enables me to meet my awesome hubby for lunch iin downtown Indy. In fact, this week, we are lunching at "Goose, the Market" on Friday. ) So anyway, my colleageue is still on the treadmill. She confided that she sought out the help of a therapist and is debating a career change because things just keep moving faster and faster and she feels the treadmill is hurting her personhood.
Her personhood? The core of her being as a human? Ouch.
When something hurts your personhood, I agree, it is time for a change. But on the "other side" of the treadmill, things look far different. Sure, I have to drive at least 500 miles a week and am pretty much on call 24/7, but I can sleep in. My boss trusts me and does not micro-manage (whew...SUCH a welcome change). I miss my staff but this position has already been so much more "me." I've been healing these past two months and replenishing my energy. I'm amazed at how depleted I let myself become. Despite the major life change that a new job entails and the grief in the loss of a parent, I cannot remember feeling this well in years.
I also haven't touched my Ambien. All of the sudden, I can sleep. How novel.
So what if I'm spending today with Haylie Duff? We hosted a dinner party last night and are joining in a neighborhood card party tonight. A little Haylie won't hurt anything. Just pass me the keys to her beach house. And help me save my reputation!
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