D.I.H.L.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned this week is that most of the medical field (including hospital administration) thrives on acronyms. CHF, EBOS, EMR, etc. Well, here’s my contribution to the list: DIHL. I like to pronounce this one as “deal” and it stands for “Deer in Head Lights.”

As I sat in my first system-wide executive meeting at corporate on Thursday, I realized that I have a particular facial expression when I’m a DIHL. My eyebrows are slightly raised, my eyes are rounded, and I get these little lines in my forehead. Taking a quick restroom break before the meeting, I saw evidence of my DIHL expression in the mirror. Instead of wiping that smile off my face (a common expression my mom used when I was being a smart-aleck), I tried to wipe that deer off my face.

I wasn’t even that scared by the meeting itself. The subject matter was easy to grasp and since I’m still in school mode, I was able to follow the subject matter. My DIHL kept emerging when I compared myself to others and tried to hold myself to their level (mind you, the room was full of senior execs and very important strategic folks who serve the whole system). I got discouraged with myself when I couldn’t quickly think of a question or comment that would “wow” the bunch. OF COURSE I am not yet in that place; I realized I needed to give myself a break. It was Day Four in my residency and I had spent 90% of my hours in meetings at the hospital. I was spent. I was exhausted. I was so tired I could have laid down on freezing-cold concrete and immediately passed out into deep sleep. That also helped me realize that I need to watch the exhaustion and when I start feeling insecure and unconfident, the necessary prescription is SLEEP.

Nurse Starbucks emailed me about the body’s stress cycle: of increased heart rate, blood pressure, and cortisol levels. As your body gets overwhelmed in stress, it breaks. I need to be careful that I do not run myself down to physical and emotional (and spiritual and psychological and mental!) exhaustion. This awesome and totally terrifying experience is teaching me the actual subject matter of administration, but also how to think like an executive and balance this insane schedule without breaking down.