Circles of Candles

I'm blogging instead of attending to the legal notebook sitting besides me, full of ideas, things to address/discern/figure out, assignments, things to delegate, things to check up on that I have previously delegated, etc. Seriously, it's full.

And I'm tired. I am not going to use this blog to whine or to passively-aggressively beat around the bush of my life. That doesn't help either of us.

I'm still willing myself to be happy and grateful. Happiness is a choice and to be honest, I've been quite deflated lately. It's just taking a lot more energy to attend to my ever-growing list of responsibilities and chores and joys.

Yes, joys. I'm doing everything I can to shelter that internal candle flame and refuse to let it be snuffed out.

I'm from that psychological school of thought where I do a lot of things for recognition. I've blogged about this before, that it's a taproot that I'm forever trying to uproot from the core of my being. It's a spiritual battle that I don't hide. As I continue my career with a Catholic healthcare organization, I truly feel as though I should be working to further God's work in the world. God's work. Not Dorrie's work. I should also be working for God's greater glory. Not Dorrie's greater glory.

Sounds fun, eh?

Going to fancy meetings and driving a nice car and having the latest iPod/iPad/iPhone/iThing isn't going to give me joy. But living a life ordered toward the service of others will. So, even though I make more sacrifices for others now than I did before I took this job, I have a long way to go in the selflessness department.

I keep trying, though, to put aside my own needs for feedback and recognition and focus on my staff. For example, last week, one of my rockstar medical assistants went to her manager and told her she needed to leave. She was offered $2/hour more to do the same job 20 minutes closer to her home. She's a meek little thing that has the work ethic of a Puritan and her integrity is never sacrificed. So I went to bat for her, writing up a proposal for HR and requesting that we expand her job description to justify a salary increase.

The job description actually fit her better AND fit the pay she requested. The result? She stayed with us, she's had her faith in the organization renewed, and she's on fire again, positively infecting everyone around her.

Three managers came to me this week, asking for help in their specific areas. Some get confused with HR issues, some need empowerment because they've been beaten down too many times in the past, and some just need to know someone cares. I rounded on one of my departments last week and when I asked one of the front office coordinators how things were going, she immediately teared up and said, "there's nothing you can do anyway."

The next day, I caught her during a slow time and we chatted. Surprise, all she wanted was someone to listen to her and appreciate her. She had some terrific ideas on how to improve the department and there WAS something I could do about it.

Sometimes I think we can scrap the management tomes and textbooks if we just listen to our employees. They know what's going on and wonderful things can happen if their voices are heard and they feel appreciated.

It circles back to me...because *I* don't feel appreciated or as though my voice is necessarily heard, I want to afford my staff this honor even more. But as employees genuinely begin to trust and want to improve, everyone's happier and more productive.

Weirdly, this is filling my tanks right now in the absence of feedback from my own bosses. Even more surprisingly, I am discovering the joy of this type of service. Service to others CAN be fun. And it strengthens the candle's light.