Quote Journal: Do it Now!

To change one’s life:

1. Start immediately.
2. Do it flamboyantly.
3. No exceptions.

— William James

Memorial Day to Remember

I just love three-day weekends. I get my usual weekend plus one bonus day on which I goof off without any inclination of time wasted. So I worked on my ethics paper on Saturday (it's tedious, boring, and I have to learn an entire new style of citation, the Chicago Manual of Style, 15th edition). After about 6 hours in the Land O'Ethics, I looked at the weather radar and saw huge rain heading our way. Quick! Must abandon ship and go for our daily walk!

The ethics paper has sat untouched since then. Oh well, there's always next Saturday! It's due July 1, so I have a feeling I'll be working around the clock June 29-30th!

This weekend was/is the polar opposite of last year. Last year, we had just sold our house (for the first time) and escaped the stress by going to the beach two days in a row. Our lives seem so calm, predictable, and, well, structured compared to this time last year! That's the fun part about holidays, reflecting on your progress since that time last year.

Since Sunday was this three-day weekend's goof-off day, we went to SB to visit my family. We haven't seen them, really, since Christmas. My folks *do* American holidays, in all their burgers-and-potato-salad-and-deviled-eggs-and-apple-pie glory. So picture us all, hanging out on the deck, when the tornado sirens sound their eerie, high-pitched ring. Ah yes, the joys of severe weather in Indiana! Not only did we MISS the end of the Indy 500 because of local tornado warning coverage, but our BBQ was ungracefully interrupted by the sirens going off five times and crazy storms that lasted all of 10 minutes.

It was the stuff of memories, I tell ya!

In other news, I met Zibby's girlfriend for the first time. It's no longer a shrouded family secret that Zibby's having a baby and this was our chance to haze, I mean, get to know, Zibby's girl. They're not engaged or married (my religious parents LOVE that fact) but they are keeping the child. They did the right thing by respecting the child's right to life, but it's been tumultuous (to say the least!) for the family. It was rather ironic (and apropos) that Zibby bring her to the family gathering at the height of the tornado warnings...nature's storm outmaneuvered any family weirdness. She's due August 18th and we just found out about this wonderful miracle in late-April.

So how about them apples? It's changing the dynamic of our family (in a good way) and actually shifting the spotlight from Jack and me and our family situation.

We stayed until early evening and rushed back to Chicagoland to enjoy the waning sunset (always prettier after immense storms). The both worked this morning and are heading to my friend Vera's house for a holiday BBQ this afternoon. Vera and her husband are gracious hosts...and they have pyromaniac propensities toward bonfire construction! S'mores are always in order at Vera's.

I hope your Memorial Day weekend was wonderful, non-stormy, and full of good times!

Fargo and Other Stuff

First, I will never again underestimate the importance of margaritas with friends. I know I'm taking a risk of sounding like a booze-hound here, but I went out for a drink after work today with Mary, one of the nursing directors. She's another one of those soulmates; we just 'get' each other.

So after a couple hours and a couple large margaritas, we bonded. And I drove home (sobered up, thank you) so grateful for coworkers like that. I felt better about work because I knew she was in similar drama as me. Misery loves company...and apparently, margaritas, too!

*****************

Second, I arrived home tonight to a 59-degree house. Seriously? In May? So I dug out a heavy sweatshirt and sunk my tequila'd brain down for some quality television. Jack went out with friends since I did and I enjoyed the tv to myself for a while. Checking the DVR, I found our usual staples of "The Borgias," "Deadliest Catch," reruns of "Whose Line Is It Anyway," and..."Fraggle Rock?"

Fraggle Rock?

So I passed on the Borgias and checked out Fraggle Rock. Why not?!

******************

When I talk about watching "The Borgias," I get the same reaction as when I let it slip that I watch "Boardwalk Empire." I can't help it...murderous scandal in Renassiance, Pre-Reformation Rome? What's not to love? While I know my beloved Church has advanced from this corrupt state, I have studied theology long enough to know (and accept) that it's mostly true. Sad, but true.

Epistemological Doorknob (one of my fellow undergraduate theology scholars) and I debate this show. She has good ideas about how some of the inner-Vatican scenes would be more authentic if they were scripted in Latin. Good point, ED, good point.

******************

So a few words about my trip to Fargo...I've noticed that Fargo is one of those "one word" cities about which everyone has preconceived notions, like "Miami," "Vegas," or "Hollywood." Except that Fargo is the anti-thesis of those cities!

I'll be nice. It was so outside my realm of usual activity that I truly did forget about work for a while.

I went to visit my friend Bewley, her husband, and their new baby, D. D is three months and quite a character already. He entertains himself quite well, as evidenced in this hickey he gave himself:



He's teething already...Since Bewley is a Ph.D., we figure he's in "AP Teething" or maybe "Teething Honors."

Because of their hectic life as new parents, neither had gotten a decent meal in weeks. So Bewley's husband broke out his home-brewed beer:



It was good...but had a *lot* of bubbles. It was a foiled batch that didn't quite ferment. So the alcohol content was low and the bubble content, well, high.

In other news, I mixed up an herb rub for Bewley's husband and I, as we dined on t-bone steaks one night. The guilt I felt was palpable; this occurred in a staunch vegetarian's kitchen who barely tolerated the steaks hitting her counter tops!



Nonetheless, the herb rub worked its magic. And it was good.

We didn't just eat, we did some minor sight-seeing along the way, too. There are two sights in town, the town theatre and the Viking ship that is housed on the Minnesota side of the border. Here's the ship (which was, admittedly, pretty cool):





We also stopped by the theatre. Bewley and I watched a French film called Potiche, which, ironically, features a woman who progressed from housewife to successful CEO to successful politician. The CEO part was great; when her husband's umbrella factory revolted, she stepped in and with her grace and womanly leadership, created a harmonious work environment.

The trip itself was an interesting study in women's leadership. Bewley studies feminist philosophy and I witnessed how a feminist philosopher views and experiences motherhood. And, like in the movie, women can assume CEO roles gracefully.

I struggled with this diverse concept throughout the trip. Motherhood versus careerhood. Can the two co-exist? It generated a lot of conversation between Bewley and me. Baby D tried to join in, but he was busy gnawing on his arm! He was a cutie and I surprised myself by grabbing him up into my lap several times a day.

******************

I have a few more tidbits about Fargo...but they involve a new pair of shoes!

Sophie's Choice

My bed-time reading Wednesday night. I opted for the Crate and Barrel catalogue!

Quote Journal: Immaturity

"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature."

-Dave Berry

I have been WAY too serious here in blogville and need to chill out.

Whoa.

Headrush!

Have you ever felt the need to be a kid? Remember when the biggest worry in your world was whether you had to do the dishes or attend Little League practice? While I would never want to go back to those years, I do occasionally feel the need to kick back.

So what do *you* do to relax and channel the immature vibe?


[Audience particpation has been lacking here lately and I need you to step up and comment!! All I've heard is crickets chirping lately!]

Muppet Wisdom

Lazy Sunday (finally!)

This is going to be a monster post. You might want to get a beverage and perhaps a sandwich.

This week has been unbelievably brutal. I worked all day yesterday and haven't taken a two-day weekend in five weeks. But instead of telling you how tired I am and how all I do is think about work, I will start with the POSITIVE, AWESOME things going on!

See? Still pushin' that optimism!

1. I threw my name in the hat for the formal mentor program through ACHE and I was contacted by a CEO from a large hospital in Mesa, Arizona. I was accepted into the program and our interests seem to match. I am thrilled to work with an unbiased mentor who's been in the field for 40 years.

2. I have a dinner appointment scheduled with the mentor Elvis found for me in the Muppet system. This isn't quite so unbiased, but this mentor knows Muppetville well. Again, a good perspective for me. Very excited to have another pair of informed ears with whom I can kick around ideas.

3. I am developing what I feel are life-long relationships with three key individuals from St. Fozzies. We are buoying each other when it matters most.

4. I am one week into my new departments and they are an absolute pigsty. I am already restructuring one of them…and I greatly enjoy this part of my job. I break out my markers and huge sheets of newsprint like the cool person I am. However, because of the insane increase in workload, I have a meeting with HR to *seriously* suggest a pay raise and/or title change. If I get another "no," I will ask my VP of HR if she would be a professional reference for me! That should get the point across.

5. I'm soon departing for Fargo, North Dakota for six days to visit one of my best friends and her new baby. My flights are so weird; I route through Denver. While I'm thrilled to see Bewley and her hubby and spend time with Bew, I'm also happy that my cell phone should not work well up there and my pager will not work at all. Oh, darn. Rats. Can you tell how bummed I am? This is a well-timed break and I cannot think of a better way to spend a week. What's funny is that the weather is going to be better in Fargo than in the Chi.

6. Yesterday was Jack's birthday and we celebrated with our friends, Vera and Victor. They're foodies and always have the best food, wine, and spices at their house. After noshing on a table full of appetizers (stuffed olives and baby peppers, prosciutto-wrapped cantaloupe, Italian salami, and butterkase cheese) Jack and Victor started a bonfire in the 48-degree-and-rainy weather. Vera and I nursed a bottle of delectable chardonnay while slowly preparing dinner. After feasting, we all went out to the bonfire. Worry not, Victor erected a lean-to for us so the women could stay dry. It was actually quite warm in there and between the pitter-patter on the roof and the hypnotizing fire, I was completely relaxed. I felt my stress slide off my shoulders and my stomach unclench...and I could have napped in that dry little lean-to.

But as I let my plexi-glass shield down, my immunity must have gone with it because I woke up with a raging sore throat this morning. What better excuse to spend the day in sweat pants?

So while some things are going well, I've had some tough, "real life" hospital experiences this week.

On Wednesday, I made the two-hour trek to Purdue University for a system wide management update. It was a good conference and believe it or not, my first time on the Purdue campus. Go Irish!

On Thursday, I had to write up two of my highest performers for crappy attitudes. You can be excellent at your job, clinically, but if you don't have a good attitude, you're not meeting expectations. So that was tough, but I'm still of the mindset where people write themselves up. They also fire themselves. I'm just there to enforce it.

The funny thing is that my office has become the cry room. Every one of my managers, even the two I *just* inherited last week, have cried in my office. I don't know what I do to people, but it's becoming a near-daily event that someone cries in my office. I am starting to feel as though I need formal training in counseling skills.

On Friday, I hosted my first Muppet corporate meeting. From attending corporate meetings up at Muppet corporate, I learned that the number one priority is to start and end on time. I earned the nickname "Time Gestapo," but if that's the biggest thing that happened, that's great!. The meeting was fruitful and I think everyone had fun.

After the meeting, I did my weekly patient rounding up on our Telemetry floor. A patient was yelling for help and I walked by her room to see if she was okay. She was trying to get out of bed and had a 'fall' sticker on her door. An RN was on my heels and quickly tried to get the patient back in bed. The patient suffered from Alzheimer's and thought we were breaking into her home (she did not believe she was at the hospital). The RN and I repositioned the patient and I moved onto the next room. A few minutes later, I heard the RN trying to get the patient back into bed (she had gotten herself up and out of bed in the span of 2-3 minutes and was quite irate that people were in her "house"). They ended up having to put restraints on the patient and it was just so sad. I hate Alzheimer's; it's a terrible disease.

The next patient I visited was about to have an leg amputation because of raging, unmanaged Diabetes. He was down-in-the-dumps depressed (understandably so) and he wouldn't even raise his head to look at me. So I threw caution to the wind and sat on the floor so I could be below his eye level. He opened up a little and all I could do was listen to his worries and fears. Before I left the floor, I put in an order for a spiritual care visit, but I felt terrible for him, too.

It just goes to show...things might really suck, but someone always has it worse. For instance, if we all stood around a football field and threw our problems into the middle, we'd see what everyone else is dealing with and most likely, pick our own problems back up again.

So it was with a heavy heart that I left the hospital and drove to our annual Employee Recognition Dinner. I had 9 employees being honored for their years of service and I wanted to be there to support them. Jack was there, working the event for Marketing. We were separate the entire night. Hoping he was okay and with a group during dinner, I quickly scanned the ballroom to find him. Apparently, he upstaged me because he was sitting next to Elvis, at the 'head table' with Nurse Jackie and EVOO. Guess he was in good hands! I sat with a bunch of nurse managers; folks I am working with to fix hospital throughput. I figured the teamwork vibe could only help us!

And with that, I conclude my uber-long Sunday post. I'm going to start packing for Fargo, start a new novel, and nap. How is YOUR Sunday?

Necessary Evils

The only two things that make a full day at the office on a Saturday bearable:

Coke and an iPod!

Heaven

{Can't find correct artist to credit, will update when I can relocate the link.}

Happy Poppies Day

It seems that spring has FINALLY sprung here in Chicagoland. After seventeen straight months of cloudy, cold, rainy/snowy/slushy weather, it's 68 and sunny. I am not working in the den as per my usual style, but am on my chaise lounger outside on the patio. The sun feels SO good. Hiring a housekeeper was the best decision ever; I now spend my weekends working and relaxing...but not cleaning!

Things are looking up at work (mostly because I'm MAKING them look up). The last time I posted, I expressed some frustration and sadness about the events transpiring with my pseudo-promotion. I accessed the records of my new departments and found a staggering pigsty. My gut reaction is to roll up my sleeves and dig in. I even accessed the last Employee Satisfaction survey results and wonder if anyone even looked at them. It's bad. So while I hate this cliche statement, my work is definitely cut out for me!

I'm also processing a few other things right now. Have you ever heard of Tall Poppy Syndrome? I am starting to feel hazy from the opiates. Tall Poppy addresses the social and cultural phenomenon of forced inertia...basically, when a member of your peer group excels, you criticize them, cut them down, or sabotage them to 'encourage' them to stop achieving and excelling. Their success makes you look bad and your instinct is to pull them down.

Another example used to illustrate this concept is crabs in a bucket. One crab starts scaling the wall and the others pull him back down to the bottom.

I'm not saying I'm achieving everything I want or that I'm so wonderful. Not it at all. But what I'm wondering is if my immediate peer group at work is trying to 'encourage' me to slow down a bit. This whole tumultuous situation is making me wonder about the entire group's dynamics. It's scary. How can you turn a hospital around when not everyone's completely on board? I've been adding a lot to my list lately, regarding the type of boss I *don't* want to become. I almost learn more from peoples' weaknesses and bad decisions than I do the good ones!

I'm doing my absolute best to turn that negative energy into positive steam to keep this engine chugging up the hill. Regardless, this is my way of digesting those feelings, by writing about it.

I attended a c-suite dinner the other night at Coopershawk. The food and wine is always divine and this event was a chance for those of us who hope we are c-suite bound to interact with current inhabitants of the c-suite. We talked about succession planning (or, in our case, the lack thereof). The entire discussion (about 18 people) made me painfully realize that my career is my responsibility. My advancement, my achievement, and my future? Yep, all my responsibility.

So THAT is how I am taking all this negative mojo from work and spinning it toward the positive. Right now, my entire job is a constant exercise of turning lemons into lemonade. Or limes into lime juice...for margaritas, of course! It's all about attitude and I'm bound-determined to not let the Tall Poppies have their way. I'm not going to self-select out of the game and let them win.

[Taking deep breath to cleanse my aura. Picturing the clear, turquoise waters of Grand Cayman...ahhhh.]

In other news, Jack and I finished our bedroom, having found the perfect bedding to compliment our wall pictures and curtains. We have not yet purchased new bedroom furniture (not high enough up on the priority list), but our house is basically done. I still can't believe I let Diva Jack talk me into 630 thread-count sheets. But they *are* nice. I woke up this morning thinking I was in a hotel.

This was my mothers' day gift to myself (shut up, I know you rationalize expensive purchases, too!). Even though I am not a mom, technically, I do a lot of mothering to others. I was particularly struck this year by how many people wished me a Happy Mothers' Day. When you get to a certain age, I guess people just assume you're a mom. So I wish them a Happy Mothers' Day back, even to the guys. They dig it, I can tell.

Happy Mothers' Day!

Philadelphia Freedom!

Last weekend, I spent a scant 25 hours in Philadelphia again, finishing up my ethics certification. We had to travel to Philly at the beginning and at the end of the program, for some face-to-face interrogation.

They want to make sure you know your stuff. Especially your ERD’s!

Every time I fly to Philly, I get the song “Philadelphia Freedom” stuck in my head. When I take taxis or trains through the city, I internally sing “The Streets of Philadelphia.” This does not happen to me in New York or Chicago (about which Sinatra sings quite well) and even in Vegas, the song that gets stuck in my head is Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer,” not Elvis’ “Viva Las Vegas.”

Coincidentally, when I’m in Tampa, the song in my head is “It’s 5:00 Somewhere.” I should be careful about getting a job there if I’m *not* a bartender.

ANYWAY, the five of us from Muppetville traveled together and flew in uneventfully. Being lucky as I always am in all things hotel-related, I threw the curtains open in my beautiful corner suite and immediately saw the Devil building. Have you seen the movie “Devil?” It’s a thriller…but it’s not an “Exorcist” type of flick; it’s more along the lines of forgiveness and redemption (with a wacky ending thrown in for good measure). But it takes place in the 50+ story, glass skyscraper located in downtown Philly.

So when I opened my curtains and saw the Devil building staring at me (the plate glass rectangle one), I should have run:



This was my view from the *other* window:



Our group went to dinner in the early evening. We had plans to try Fork, but unable to get a reservation, we had to slum it at Ruth Chris. It was my first time at Ruth’s and it wasn’t that impressive. The steaks are great, yes. Half of it is that the meat is a high quality. But the other half is a sheer genius grilling ability. And Jack always grills that well. So pardon my unsophisticated taste buds, for I could not tell much difference between the $48 filet mignon at Ruth’s and Jack’s $10 filet that he bought me from Jewel and grilled himself.

So after painfully digesting the richest steak I’ve eaten in months, I finally retired to bed in my gorgeous hotel room around 11 p.m.

…to be woken up at 11:38 by someone trying to get into my room. I shooed them away.

…then I was woken up again at 12:42 by someone ELSE trying to get into my room. I shooed them away and threatened to call the cops.

…then I woke up a few times to eat a couple more TUMS at 1 and 2 a.m.
…THEN the hotel’s fire alarm went off at 3:49 for 20 agonizing minutes. I thought I was living in a nightmare or worse, that it was a practical joke and I was the only one being kept awake by the screaming sirens.

No, I didn’t evacuate. I didn’t smell smoke and I sure as heck wasn’t leaving my sanctuary with all the scary people out there trying to get into my room!

Regardless, I slept about 55 minutes the entire night and arrived nice *and* rested to my ethics exams.

The ethics exams went well. We had two three different oral exams and I am happy to report that I passed them (per my proctor). I do not have my final grades yet, but as soon as I finish my last 20-page paper, my ethics training will be complete.

Hurray! I'm free from Philly!

[Cue internal soundtrack: "Philadelphia Freedom!"]

Clouds

The blog has fallen off my radar. Life has taken over. But I like to record some of my adventures for later reflection.

So since Easter, I've been in a world of confusion and my head's been in a cloud. Work has been, well, awful. I achieved the promotion I've been seeking for the last couple months, the promotion that has been promised to me by Nurse Jackie and EVOO. A few months ago, seeing me eager to excel, Elvis asked me which departments I wanted to run. So I brainstormed a few things and presented my thoughts to Elvis. Then I told EVOO. Then EVOO told Nurse Jackie. And voila, I got my departments. My new FTE's amount to 64.5, bringing my total to 131.5.

I've come a heck of a long way. And I've managed to manage my nine managers and their staffs. I keep uncovering problems (some days are like "Whack-a-Mole") but I am having fun. I love my job and have been praised by several VP's for my efforts and outcomes. This is great.

However, I found myself in a political minefield. I learned of my promotion when one of my new direct reports asked to speak with me regarding a problem he's having in his department. He needs advice. Me, feeling the deer-in-headlights blush creep up my neck, played along as though I knew this was now my department. Turns out that my superiors told the manager before they told me. This is bad. Not only was it unprofessional, but they took away my bargaining chips. See, without a formal offer, you cannot negotiate for a new title or pay increase.

Skip the formal offer and you skip the negotiation phase for titles and salary. Great for them. Bad for me. I accepted the assignment but in the same breath, asked that they at least reconsider my title. It's not about the money, but with my FTE's doubled, a title should be the least they do.

Nope. Neither of my bosses waivered. They said they cannot change my title without re-evaluating everyone's titles. That's the political minefield part.

So I did what any sensible woman would do. I ran to the only other woman I trust in senior leadership, the VP of HR. She has become quite a friend and helped hook me up with a formal mentor, the president of St. Benson's hospital in Muppetville (this president is a woman, the only non-Sister senior administrator in the system). Anyway, my dear friend, the HR lady, is going to bat for me. I have no idea how this one will turn out, but I am forcing myself to be optimistic.

There's a lot of change going on in the hospitals right now and I'm only a small part of it. So I would rather have my problems then someone else's!

(That's optimism, right?)

So that's how I'm really feeling. And I'm not giving up yet!