Have you ever had years of life experience, random quotes, plotlines from books, stories from friends, and testimonies from others' faith that all converge, from all directions, into one singular brilliant point of light?
And then it changes your entire life, its direction, and makes you forget the past, all in one instant?
Well, I have. And for as much as I detest discernment (only because I'm not very good at it!), I cannot ignore these moments.
My good friend and cousin, Yoshi, reminded me that the teacher is always quiet during the test. And the past few months have seemed the biggest test of my adult life, with insane schedules that won't stop, mounting responsibilities, and unsympathetic, uncaring people erecting obstacles whenever possible.
I was really starting to wonder if I was barking up the wrong tree. Me, in healthcare and hospital leadership? Maybe I misread the memo. Maybe God was instead directing me to something far less heady and stressful. Maybe I overestimated my abilities and this whole "swimmming against the current" thing wasn't just me trying to enact change...maybe the tension was supposed to stop me and I was just too stubborn to see it. Did I miss my true calling as a stay-at-home mom? Was I supposed to have stayed in SB, toiling away at jobs for which I didn't care? Did my life incorrectly veer off on an opposite track and God was just waiting for me to recognize my foible and go running back to the safe life I once knew?
There were about 24 hours of weird coincidences that I now know were not coincidences. It's humbling to look back and see I'm only a ripple in that pond. Someone else threw the big rock into the pond to create all the ripples- and it was God who hoisted that rock into the water.
On Thursday evening, I was supposed to have attended an employee recognition banquet. I had several employees being recognized for their years of service. But Thursday afternoon was brutal, after about 4 hours of calls and stress that are going to result in me missing three months' revenue in one of my departments, my brain was going to leak out my ear like last week's decaying Chinese leftovers. I called my friend, Mary, and asked if she wanted to grab a quick drink before heading to the banquet.
Mary was ripe from a church retreat and glowing from her experiences. I hadn't had a chance to ask her about her time away. Over a glass of wine, she shared her entire story and some key experiences that seemlessly connected with her work at the hospital. That touched me- the way she interpreted her faith experiences in light of her work. THAT's a connection I've been missing lately. Needless to say, when I looked at my watch, we were an hour late for the banquet and decided to have dinner together because the employee recognition obviously wasn't happening for us.
But that's where we needed to be that evening. We both knew it.
On Friday, 12 hours after that conversation, I had a couple experiences that changed my life. I had an opportunity to serve patients in new ways I hadn't tried, let alone thought of, in the past. It opened my eyes and I now know healthcare's where I'm supposed to be. I can't elaborate, but it was a moment of clarity I'd been fighting, and I would have completely missed it had it not been for the spontaneous conversation and dinner with Mary.
I felt light. Empowered. Happy. Peaceful. Emotions I haven't truly experienced at work lately, if ever. All the past confusion, fear, bitterness, anger, and uncertainty no longer existed. And it was though those emotions never existed in the first place! At the greatest level of peace in my professional career, I went home on Friday night, eager to see Jack, walk several miles, and kick back on the 70 degree evening with tiki torches blazing and Jimmy Buffet blaring from our patio.
As I settled into my Friday night vibe, my cell phone rang. Looking down, I saw that it was Ra, my friend from St. Gonzo's. She was on the brink of quitting her job, over an intense situation that unfolded this week. She lamented the exact same issues with which I had been struggling the last few months (years?). Into my newfound peacefulness by a whole five hours or so, I listened to Ra and then offered up Mary's story, and then my story. She immediately saw how she could add her story to our stories, building another chapter into the testimony.
I was a ripple in the pond...affected and then was asked to affect another person. It's so far beyond me. But I'm grateful to play a part in helping that wave of energy reach the other shores of the pond. We're all in this together and that's the true meaning of Church- getting each other where we need to go and spreading the right kind of energy and joy as we journey onward.
God is good. Do not be mistaken.
So at this point, I'm holding on, while the roller coaster whips around hair-pin turns with hair-raising speed. Instead of closing my eyes and wishing it'd all be over soon so I could start my real adventure, I'm going into it, eyes-wide-open, fully aware that this roller coaster is only going traverse stomach-dropping hills while increasing its speed.
But this is where I'm supposed to be. Someone please get my picture on the roller coaster cam as the coaster rushes by!
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