Willing Myself to Heal

I tend to get reflective when I'm sick.

Lucky you, I guess.

I am on week 3 of some bronchial plague.  I woke up with a raging sore throat on Memorial Day and the cough followed the next day.  A week of travel around Indiana precluded the good rest and sleep that I needed and I came home that next Friday night and did not move from my favorite blue scrubs and couch all weekend.  I thought that two relaxing days would see me into a lovely week of stunning accomplishment.  

[I'm still struggling with my job transition.   I'm on the road two weeks out of four and when I am in town, I am working over distances to consult the most bizarre ethics cases and develop ethics formation for physicians....long gone are the days where I could easily and succinctly measure my self-worth by the number of items I ticked off my to-do list.]

I feel insecure when I stay home sick.  Like it's a weakness, a fraility.  However, I can't imagine that I am projecting a confident, sturdy self when I can't shake this stupid bug.  I earn something like 11 hours of PTO each two-week pay period and have the time off...but I hate taking it when I'm "sick."

Except that something is different this time...I am not getting better.  After two doctor visits, two rounds of antibiotics, a couple inhalers, and approximately 394,297 coughs, I am still sick.  

Instead of my Fitbit tracking my steps, I have been trying to finagle it to track my coughs.  

My abs are tighter from all the coughing, but my chest and back are aching.  Time to throw in the towel and heal.  Even if it is 85 and sunny outside and all I want to do is sit out in my chaise lounger outside. Apparently, due to my bronchial issues, I am supposed to stay in the A/C.  And it helps the coughing spasms if I do not get my heart rate up too much.  I'm just so bummed because I have been logging 10,000+ steps a day and was getting into a great exercise routine.  Well, as much as one can exercise before coughing so much I choke.

Sigh.  It's been peachy.

So I come back to the question and sage advice that my dear friend Nurse Starbucks offers.  She tells me I need to take care of myself.  The concept of self-care is as evasive to me as relaxation.  

How do I relax?  How do I take care of myself?

I'm starting by staying home.  Yes, I'm on my laptop but "relaxing" with some Friends, a huge mug of OJ, and crazy doses of expectorant.  But I slept for 5 hours today.

5 hours of sleep (filled with dreams about me raising baby Tyranasaurus Rex's in a playpen) and I feel .39% better.  Here's to figuring out how to heal, rest, and replenish my immunity reserves.

Whatever those are!