This one was no exception. While it's not healthy, I joke that I cry once a year, at best. Standing on the altar, supporting my brother and his bride, watching them exchange vows and promise each other "forever," something unhinged in me.
I've been the bride. I've been a bridesmaid 9 times if my count is correct. It's not my first rodeo. But something about this last Saturday struck me so differently. At first I thought it was the sense of "church." For the bride, church is her family, her life, her grounding. She's steeped in it. And her actions demonstrate that faith and commitment to God. It was a pretty good mirror - it was easy to look at your own moral reflection while amidst that faith community. Not always easy to see the reflection but those reality checks are helpful for future reflection.
Then I thought it was the out-of-the-way country church. It was beautiful - surrounded by corn fields, swaying in the breeze. Horse-drawn buggies passed by every few minutes and we all sort of marveled at that sense of pace. Could we slow down even a day? Weather granted us a welcome break from the humidity, the Robin egg blue sky punctuated by a few fluffy clouds, and the summer breeze shook the leaves and blew through the fields. All of us immediately felt like part of the country. Not in a derogatory way but in a "slow" way. We all drank in the lack of urgency. If you're 2 minutes late for a meeting, does it really matter?
Then I thought it was the chill bride. The bride was the most relaxed, non-nervous bride I have ever seen. Like, "This is God's will for me and I'm going for it" type of attitude. The groom? Since he's my brother, I had license to check on him throughout the morning and early afternoon. He was pacing like a nervous dog at one point. However, Jack took care of him and he radiated the whole day - looking at his bride with such admiration. I don't think he realized how much emotion he showed when he even glanced at her - but it hit me in the heart how much he loves her. And she him.
Reflecting on my own wedding, I don't remember being that nervous. Sure, you want things to go well, but those two this weekend truly let go. They planned all of the details and then relaxed enough to let the details carry them through the evening. I like how newlyweds can show us old married folks some inspiration!
So, yes, the wedding was beautiful. The bride's choreographing down to the nanosecond panned out well. We celebrated the bride and groom Friday night at rehearsal. All day Saturday. And Sunday, over a lunch of wedding leftovers and a sea of presents where two new families came together for the first time. It was excellent. We don't know each other that well but there is good intention...and we want to all support the bride and groom. That's the most important part, right? That family has your back.
In kind of an odd (and unplanned twist), Jack and I and our two friends were having after-party nachos and pizza and I texted the groom - who was also staying at Notre Dame, just down the hall with us. I offered him food and beer and suddenly, he and his bride joined us for a late night pub snack at ND. It felt like a once in a lifetime experience to be able to be there with my brother and his bride - on their most important of important nights - because they wanted to be with us, too. Probably, they were just THAT hungry, but it was touching that they came down to the hotel bar to be with family for another couple hours.
Standing on the altar for my brother, I had to choke back sobs for a good 20 minutes. I cannot say this well but I did help raise him. I'm not sure what category is closer than "sister" but I am in some strange in-between of Sister and Mother that's not quite Aunt. Whatever it is, it made me choke up every time I looked at my brother this weekend. Weddings always get me but seeing my brother marry the love of his life made me so optimistic towards life. As I watched the bride unwrap her wedding gifts, I pictured her making a Thanksgiving casserole in that one dish and an Easter ham in another. After my parents depart this earth, we have a wonderful couple to help Jack and I carry on family traditions.
The merging of families...it's not always easy but I feel like we hit the jackpot with this one.
I have a bit of PTSD today...I wondered what I would feel like this week after the 3+ months of parties were complete. It started with the Mini marathon in May, I went to Rome, then was gone most of June with work and school and the bridal shower, July brought vacation, other work-related travel, our 15 year wedding anniversary, and the bachelor/bachelorette party, and then here we are with the wedding. As of today, the partying is over. The normalcy is returning. As much as I like the summer party season, it was intense this year. Rightly so, but it is nice to transition back to ordinary time. You have to fast in order to be able to feast. We've been feasting since early May. It's time to scale back and settle into our lives once again.
I'm grateful for this life. For such blatant displays of love and commitment. For the opportunity to both fast and feast - celebrating lives and families coming together for a lifetime. Cheers to the bride and groom and everyone who celebrates love.
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