Masochist

I can publicly communicate that I passed up one phat job offer that I tossed around in my head over the last few months. It was a senior exec position and I can't really explain why I had to pass it up except that it just wasn't time yet.

I knew I could do okay and that things would work, but it was like trying to eat a very unripe banana. Nutrients and everything are there, but things need to percolate a bit longer to make things a bit sweeter.

There's still too much to do at St. Fozzie's. I have a large department change coming up, my big consolidation project, and one of my other projects finally came to fruition (I think I called it the Craziness Project here in blogville), where we relocated several ancillary services and Endoscopy from one campus to another. I'm getting some serious operations experience here at Fozzie's and aside from not wanting to leave my current employees, I wasn't ready to transition from being a medium fish in a huge pond to a large fish in a small pond.

Anyway, the reason this post is titled "Masochist" is because I was accepted into grad school. Again. I opted to finally complete my M.A. in Theology with a concentration in Catholic Bioethics. Even though Jack thinks I'm crazy for wanting another master's, it's an open chapter I feel compelled to finish. Technically, I started the Theology degree in 2001 at Notre Dame. And, this school is letting me transfer over all my ethics credits so I will be able to complete the M.A. relatively quickly.

One door closed. Another door open. And I will just keep swimming like I always do....metaphorically AND theologically now!

Citibank

I think it's funny (and maybe ironic) how I paid off my massive student loan debt in May. It was rather anti-climactic and I was hoping my lender, Citibank, would send me a little certificate saying I was finished or maybe a copy of the promissory notes I signed all those years ago.

Yesterday, I received my 'certificate' in the mail. A faded, black and white letter consisting of three sentences:

"Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that your loan is paid in full. Please keep this letter as proof of payment. We are pleased to have been able to assist you with your education financing needs."

Wow. The company of many words. Couldn't they at least have said thanks?

But I still want to frame that letter! I finally own all the knowledge in my head! Who-hoo!

Probably Just Nuts

So I'm probably nuts and you're all shaking your heads in confusion and disbelief as I announce my latest news...

I'm pregnant!

[Waits for the applause and cheering]

What, no applause and cheering?

[Hears only crickets chirping]

Wow, tough crowd!

OF COURSE, I'm kidding.

[What would you have done if I really was pregnant? Maybe I would have gotten a baby shower? I've only purchased 29 baby monitors, 34 onesies, and 12 hooded bath towels for other folks having babies! Oh, anyone reading this gets pregnant soon, you know what you'll get from me...a baby monitor, a onesie, and a hooded towel!]

Anyway, what I REALLY wanted to tell you is that I'm returning to graduate school.

[Waits for cheering and applause]

Wow, you guys are tough!

In all seriousness, I am planning my return to grad school to work on my M.A. in Theology. It sounds nuts, I know, but I feel like this part of me is hanging unfinished in the intellectual puzzle of my life. I started a Master's at Notre Dame while I was still in my undergrad. I bailed on it after one (very legalistic) class, knowing it wasn't the right time to pursue that education. Now that I've landed a great job and know where I'm heading career-wise, the M.A. will allow me to stretch my philosophical muscles and study what I really love.

[Yes, the idea of an MBA crossed my mind briefly...for about 2 milliseconds.]

And just to be clear, I'm not going back to school to study dogma or moral theology. It's a specialization in Bioethics. Instead of signing my life away to complete a PhD in Ethics (as I roughly planned), I'm starting with the M.A. This will let me finish the degree I started long ago, study what I love (Bioethics), and obtain more information to earn my keep on the St. Fozzie's Ethics and Hospice Ethics Committees.

Believe it or not, Jack's supportive. After I pitched the idea to him, he sighed, shook his head, and sought three gelcaps from the nearest Advil bottle!

And just for the skeptics out there, Jack is doing everything he can to position himself to return to school this fall. We're trying to keep Indiana residency so he can continue in the IU system.

We're a bunch of learnin' fools! Actually, we're probably just nuts!

Writing 101

It's early Saturday morning and I'm sitting at my dining room table in SB, sipping gourmet coffee and listening to peaceful instrumentals. The sun is shining through the window and I'm eternally grateful for the burst of blue sky and unbroken rays of sun streaming through my window. Sunshine! I feel *so* much better. It almost looks like a nice day out there, except for the howling winds I occasionally hear, reminding me that, despite the sun, it's really still an Antarctic wasteland out there.

At least it's pretty.

So I'm sitting here, glancing at the mess we created last night. Jack's still sleeping from our heavy exploits, I think I pulled something in my back, and I feel wondrously accomplished.

Yeah, it wasn't THAT kind of night. Get your mind out of the gutter.

I edited Jack's first collegiate paper in 12 years. He kept warning me that it was terrible and it decidedly wasn't terrible...just not structured all that well. To complicate matters, this was a group paper (which I hate and think profs are crazy for assigning) and none of the group members could write much of anything. Seriously, people quoted Wikipedia and About.com as sources. Where I come from, the professor will fall out of her chair, convulsing in ear-splitting laughter before marking "RE-WRITE!" on the paper.

Anyway, we sat at the dining room table for 5 hours (explaining my spasming back) and worked. First, I told Jack to not take anything I say personally. I'm not trying to hurt his feelings in this writing lesson. With that, I taught him Writing 101. Years ago, I created a process for successful writing and shared these tips with anyone with whom I've had to write these last few years. I explained these 11 rules to Jack. I figure, I've spent about $140,000 on my education so far; someone might as well benefit from all those dollars!

After going through The Rules, I asked Jack to puh-lease find some decent sources. He grunted and signed and eventually found noteworthy sources. Over the next 3 hours, we went through the paper, redefining its structure, aligning content, then perfecting grammatical and punctuation errors. It was only a 2000 word paper, but it served as a great place to start. We even created a paradigm for Jack to use on subsequent papers.

I didn't mind helping Jack last night. It proved an interesting and thorough distraction from my stress at the hospital. Without someone helping ME like that when I started at Saint Mary's, I would have been lost in the art of proper paper-writing. However, he *totally* owes me a good back rub!!!

Lean Six Sigma

I went to St. Kermit’s for my first Six Sigma class last Wednesday. In all honesty, it was a bit dry, very unorganized, and it felt…fluffy. So I emailed throughout the whole thing and stayed current on my communique with St. Fozzie’s. I will attend subsequent sessions, but it felt pretty elementary. I think it would have served me better a few years ago. Oh well, water under the bridge.

I've had frequent exposure to Six Sigma in the Muppet Corporation. Everything is driven towards utmost efficiency and all the hospitals were truly ahead of the curve in terms of data-driven process improvement. The premise behind Six Sigma is that if you can measure it, you can improve it. So you define a problem, measure corresponding data, analyze the data, improve processes, control future outcomes. Fun stuff, eh?

One of the great connections I made, however, involved the grant proposals I’ve been slaving over for the last two weeks. My Six Sigma project perfectly dovetails the grant proposal for Electronic Medical Records (EMR) in the OR suites . Because of the EMR software, cases take longer to document than they do to complete by the surgeons. This is a problem. I proposed it to the team and they readily agreed it’s a feasible, if huge, project. We’ll see how that plays out…my plate’s so full that I’m not sure I can take on another massive project without giving up something else. I may take a step back on the physician recruitment efforts or maybe the strategy stuff. Both are very time consuming and technically, they’re other peoples’ areas.

The grants were due today and I submitted them online. I’m not holding my breath for the $100k, but I AM glad for the experience. I also made friends with Chicago’s premier grant writing consultant, so she will be in touch with me when other suitable grants cross our path. I’ll get them some money sooner or later! Cha-ching!

My Visa Bill

Graduate degree in Healthcare Administration...$18,940

48 credit hours' worth of books I cannot sell back...$2,173

3.5 years' worth of Diet Mt. Dew...$378

Advil for stress-induced headaches...$49

Having my (Summa) MHA completed....PRICELESS!

Fork in the Road

The past few days have been rough. We have this big project at work and my brain is fried before I even go to class and attempt to learn. I have a theory about this: if I can get my head to absorb much of the information on the first pass attempt, that will result in fewer hours studying for exams. It's hard, though, when I'm overtired and have looming deadlines. Our office is closed tomorrow, in observance of Good Friday, so I will *not* be setting my alarm. This is my first day off in a long time, y'know, apart from vacations. :)

I encountered another interesting fork in the road. I received a phone call from the director of admissions for the doctorate in hospital administration program I applied to last fall. I received conditional acceptance back then, dependent upon my actual completion of my Master's. I still have 28 days until I graduate (but who's counting?) and they formally accepted me. This is cool and I feel honored, but my plans have changed since then.

After talking with a few folks in senior leadership, I realized that I would have a ready niche in bioethics. While healthcare is a "degreed" field, meaning you're better off with more degrees after your name, the administrative coursework seems a bit dry to me now. I'll be living this education in the 'trenches' of hospital administration, next year. I don't think I should 'waste' five years and $50,000 achieving this doctorate after all.

This reminds me of a little joke my high school physics teacher told me about the hierarchy of degrees: B.S.= bull sh*t. M.S.= more sh*t. Ph.D.= piled higher and deeper.

I'm transitioning over to Loyola's doctoral program in bioethics and feel this is the best avenue for me, for now. Who knows what will happen over the next year…but I am taking the summer and fall semesters off from school, adjust to my transition and to let the microns of sanity repopulate. Plus, I need to log some weekend pool time this summer!