Campaigning

I'm pretty sure I'm evil. And that I almost got punched the other day!

I've been running this political campaign to hire two wound nurses for the inpatient floors. Since we are closing the outpatient clinic, effective in April, I really *really* wanted to keep the nurses on staff for use on the floors. I created the job descriptions, submitted them to HR, figured out how to track their stats with finance, and went through the formal processes to get the positions approved.

And I waited.

And waited.

And started to get really frustrated. This is patient care we're talking about and we have numerous, documented business cases for these nurses.

So I started my campaign. I discussed the needs and the skills these two nurses bring to the table. I rallied nurse managers, directors, quality folks, and human resources. They all had my back. And yet, the positions were not being approved by the responsible VP.

After seven exhausting weeks of this, where the nurses were *this* close to leaving the hospital for jobs at neighboring hospitals, I called up my VP of Human Resources and point-blank told her, "I'm hiring the wound nurses tomorrow."

She laughed. Then said, "Fine with me!"

This was risky on my part. There's never been an unapproved FTE allowed at St. Fozzie's. Here I am hiring two.

I saw her that evening (Wednesday was a late night) and told her, "I'm doin' it!" She high-fived me as she walked out of the office. Seeing Elvis down the hall, I also told him I was offering the nurses positions the next morning. He didn't bat an eye and I thanked him for getting my back.

Then, in a fit of meanness, I stopped at the store to pick up a bottle of non-alcoholic champagne. When talking to the wound nurses during those seven terrible weeks, I promised them that, if I was able to offer them jobs, we'd crack open a bottle of champagne in my office.

I try to always keep my word.

Early that next morning, I summoned them both to my office. I made my voice sound flat and uninterested.

A few minutes later, they both appeared in my office doorway, looking like scared cats. I invited them to sit, then started quietly explaining how I tried to cash in all my political chips and even though it had been seven weeks, I was at a tough point. I let my voice trail off...

At that, they both started to cry, sure I was about to lower the hammer and tell them I could not hire them.

I quickly went all "Saturday Night Live" on them and in an excited rush, told them I would like to offer them jobs and I'd be honored if they stayed at St. Fozzie's!!

In the span of .034 seconds, their faces registered confusion, shock, and tremendous gratefulness. Then they both looked slightly ticked off that I played such a mean joke. Luckily, they know I'm a jokester at times and quickly forgave me.

The tears of fear changed to tears of happiness (both nurses are sole providers for their families). I triumphantly produced the bottle of fake champagne and over our 'clinking' of clear plastic cups, we started planning the future of inpatient wound care.

Finally. I was able to make a difference for the good and get patients the care they need. Plus, I get to keep my two favorite nurses; they will continue to report to me.

[I know management is a lot like having kids...you're really not supposed to have a "favorite." I'm controversial because I do have favorites and I might as well be honest with us both! The trick is to not let others know about your favorites and, ideally, everyone should feel like the favorite.]

During this process, I learned how to construct a political campaign, when to run my platform up the ladder when I hit a dead end, and when to disregard useless bureaucratic practices and pull a "Nike."

Just do it.

I just did it.

[Man, I hope my security badge and keys work on Monday!]

But next time, I'll consolidate my campaign and "just do it" a lot sooner.