Masochism lives, I guess.
We went with Runtracker. The app emailed me at my work address. Yay. I think.
The other first was that I cooked dinner. Just kidding. Knew that would throw ya!
The other real first was that Jack and I sat and watched rain fall for almost 2 hours today. From the garage. We are garage dwellers, apparently.
After the 10 miles, we made "dinner" (at 3 p.m.), of loaded baked potatoes, filet mignon, and wild mushrooms cooked to a lovely submission in butter and wine. [Holy crap...channeling Julia Child with the amount of butter we are using lately....the mileage cancels it out, right? Riiiiiiiiiight? Bueller?]. About 20 minutes after we returned home from our epic training session, it started raining. Like, Amazon rainforest raining. With monkeys screeching. So we did what most suburbian people would do and pushed our gravity loungers to the edge of the garage, poured glasses of Bailey's on ice, and watched it rain.
It's not unlike watching paint dry. In a relaxing, zen way.
We had French jazz playing in the background and no one else was outside. We had the rain to ourselves. Except for the stray cat someone named "Carson."
All this rain talk masks my feelings. My work life is miserable. I can't hide it any longer. I realized the other day that if I am successful or have any measure of success (which I did this week; organizing, running, and speaking at an ethics conference for our system execs).....so if I have any measure of success, my "mentor" thinks it takes away from his greatness. The more I succeed, the less his legacy carries on. It's like there is a "recognition pool" at stake; if I take 1/23 of the recognition, it only leaves my mentor 22/23 of the glory.
It's not an easy situation. Excuse my French, but it sucks. Il est suckage.
I'm not really sure what to do. I took a few days off work to think about it, pray about it, and replenish my soul. I've heard (and used) the phrase "mental health day" before. I wasn't sure what to call tomorrow...."soul refresh day?" "Soul health day?" I settled on "Soul rebuilding day."
SRD
When you need to rebuild your soul from whatever happens at work, in your professional life, call it an SRD. Soul Rebuilding Day. Because that's what happens....when the world takes chunks out of your soul, who you are in this world, you have to regain that ground. You have to heal.
Healing is a priority.
I've started playing the blues. Jack received an unexpected bonus and bought me a bass. And a crazy amp that our neighbors are already complaining about. But it's so much fun...it's like painting with sounds.
So I guess I'm in "soul rebuilding." And maybe "soul rebounding." The verbs don't really matter; the important part is that I'm not giving up and I'm not giving up on my calling.
Even if I just walked 10 miles and my ankles are in pain.
Or if it's raining.
My spirit is tough...I'll get through this, too.
No comments:
Post a Comment