Dorks

One of my stellar employees has been helping me assemble an operational analysis for a potential service line consolidation. She's one of those go-getters who has the potential to make other people look bad because she's just *that* good.

All ethics aside, I sort of wish I could clone her.

Anyway, she completed a full billing/coding analysis for me and I emailed her back, saying "muchas gracias." Except that my spell check changed it to "mochas gracias."

Without missing a beat, two seconds later she wrote back, "Thanks a latte."

We're dorks.

Caffeinated dorks!

Lazy

I saw this the other day and thought it funny.

Then last night, I realized it was true!

We've been trying to host a dinner party for our friends Vera and Mr. Vera for two weeks now. Two failed weeks now. They're the ones who always introduce us to gourmet cheeses and really fancy Italian salami. They're a hoot to host for dinner because we each eat our caloric allowance for three days and the evening goes by way too fast. Case in point--New Year's Eve. We arrived at their house at 6pm, noshed on appetizers, sipped wine, ate dinner, sat around the table laughing and talking, just to look up at the clock and realize it was 12:04.

Oops. I think that was the first year any of us had ever missed the NYC/Dick Clark event!

Anyway, we tried to host our party last week and then I got sick. Well, re-sick.

Speaking of sick, I will never, ever take the ability to breathe for granted. A couple of my co-workers were pretty convinced I was coming down with pneumonia, so they packed me off and sent me to my doctor (whose office is conveniently located in the hospital). It wasn't pneumonia, but it was a lingering sinus infection, bronchitis, AND double ear infections. Seriously? But once I got my antibiotics, anti-bronchial spasm pills, and steroid inhaler, I was rearin' to go!

Dinner party planned for tonight could go on as scheduled!

Then Jack and Mr. Vera got sick and tonight's plans were canceled. Again. So we're crossing fingers that we can all heal by next weekend and actually host our party.

While I love getting together with great friends, sometimes quiet nights at home are okay, too. I'm actually excited about our plans to abuse our Netflix subscription and catch up on some new releases. I guess that's code for "lazy!"

Snow*

*Appropriately titled post here. Creativity is running low!

It dawned on me last night, in the throes of a nightmarish commute through southern Chicago, during the height of a snowstorm, that I'm taking life too seriously again.

[You're thinking, "is this a duplicate post?!"]

The week was, well, one of endurance. The treadmill was kicked up to high speed and I ran my little heart out, eyes set on Friday night, when I could finally step out of the craziness and slow the dizzying pace.

Another sexual harassment charge...another employee playing games (requiring me to draft a certified letter calling him out on his game-playing)...another doctor causing problems...here we go again.

I felt so powerless over my situation. The treadmill whipped by faster than ever and I could do nothing but try and keep up.

Right?

I talked to to my mentor early yesterday morning. She's a hospital CEO in Arizona and always has some interesting tidbit from hearing about my experiences in hospital life. I filled her in on my events this week and related the exhausting efforts required for unit closures and the human resources issues that keep cropping up.

It's nothing new to her. She listened sympathetically for a while then said, "Good work. Now when are you planning to take care of yourself?"

Hmm. Well, the treadmill doesn't really allow for that kind of wasted time.

And yet, I realized I control the speed of the treadmill by how I react to the stresses of my life. If I don't take it easy, nature forces me to slow down...as evidenced by the cold I just contracted on Wednesday/Thursday. I've been sick for most of January and I don't think it's a coincidence.

Drat.

So yesterday, I intended to leave work by 2:30, as the snow had started to fly. Rush hour is bad enough. Rush hour with 6-8" of snow boggled my fragile mind!

A couple new employee issues crept up and as I breezed by a window, I noticed the snow coming down hard. It was the type of snow that made you think of fireplaces and hot chocolate! Several support departments had closed early. I took the initiative to close all our outpatient clinics early. Patients had canceled and staff hung around, waiting for 5:00. 5:00 came at 3:00 for them.

I finally left the office around 4:15 and upset at the 6" of snow that had already accumulated on my car, I hurriedly brushed off the snow with my entire arm. I joined the line of traffic creeping through the suburbs. It took me 30 minutes to go half a mile. Fuming at the delay (I was trying to get home, the symbolic act of stepping off the treadmill), I finally reached the site of the bottleneck and I understood...a school bus full of children was lodged up against a guardrail, unable to gain traction forward. Several people had gotten out of their cars to help the flailing bus, putting themselves at risk, too.

Humbled by others' generosity, I realized I needed to chill. Rifling through my glovebox cd collection, I found a Jimmy Buffet mix that we had created for a Florida trip. The rest of the two-hour trip home was great, once I changed my attitude. Plus, the snow made me feel like I was playing MarioKart.

Watch out for those banana peels!

Funny, isn't it? Just how much attitude can affect how you feel?

So I *will* take care of myself this weekend (I made a spa appointment for 1:30 today!) and changing my perception and attitude...instead of HAVING to work to catch up, I GET to work. It means I'm gainfully employed and making a difference.

And if my nose stops running long enough to go outside, I might just challenge Jack to a snowball fight!

Steps

"Success consists of a series of little daily victories."

— Laddie Hutar

...or maybe success consists of daily survival. That old adage keeps ringing in my head: "80% of the struggle is just showing up."

It's been a tough week with the unit closure, surrounding public relations storm (whenever we have a lay off or closure, everyone immediately jumps to the conclusion that the hospitals are for sale), and staff grieving this change. Plus, ya know, everything else keeps moving along!

My cousin, Yoshi, shared some great wisdom about these small steps, whether they be positive or negative. Basically, few people get where they are because of the "big" decisions. It's usually a series of little decisions that pile up and lead us to "how did I get here?" because "here" is a place you would have obviously said no to had it been one decision. The idea that no one sets out to be a drug addict, but a series of little decisions puts the needle in your veins. Of course, it can work the other way, too, with a bunch of small decisions lead people to success, God, happiness, etc. It's not usually one huge jump of the cliff leap kind of thing. If it were, no one would do it because the hardships involved in it aren't really all that appealing.

So if you make one or two iffy decisions, you're not throwing yourself off the bridge of happiness, there is still time to straighten your course and shape up. But happiness, peace, and success all emerge from a life of small decisions.

It's similar to weight loss. Weight loss takes conviction, commitment, and time...lots of little decisions to eat better or exercise more add up to the weight loss. One Snickers bar isn't going to throw you off the wagon forever, but a Snickers bar every day could.

Our habits make us who we are...those little actions add up and tip the scales positively or negatively. How are your actions adding up?

Tough

Have you ever seen the movie "Up in the Air?"

I lived it today.

When I first saw that movie, I thought, "I could fire people if I had to. It's just a job and you can separate yourself from it after enough practice."

Well, firing people is very different from laying them off. Whenever I have to fire someone, it's for cause. They fire themselves through their actions or behavior and I just carry it out.

Today was different. Today I had to hold an emergency staff meeting with one of my favorite departments and, surrounded by employee with wide, unblinking eyes, listened as I told them we had to close the unit. There were tears. There was feigned strength and stoicism. There was relief. There was shock. There were questions. And there were more tears.

This is peoples' livelihood. And here I was, dropping the biggest possible bomb on them. What's worse is that these people are good. They're kind, put the patients first, and are generally wonderful folks. It's easier to let someone go when they've misbehaved or falsified a patient chart. These guys were all innocent victims.

I can't remember a more trying day at work...and I left work knowing I still had a job and that, as secure as healthcare is these days, I'd probably have a job for a while.

Today, my job was to put other people out of work.

That sucks. Pardon my language, but there's no other word.

I knew it was going to be tough, as evidenced by the fact that I woke up at 3 a.m. this morning, unable to sleep. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I was going to completely unravel peoples' worlds today.

And yet, it was just what we had to do. The practice couldn't sustain itself and many physician behavior issues and compliance concerns forced our hand.

Elvis and my VP of HR accompanied me to the clinic. Elvis went to speak to the physician and I talked to the staff with the help of HR. Elvis' conversation with the doc took all of 2 minutes. My conversations with the staff took an hour.

Elvis and I touched base afterward to share our sides of the tale. Word spread through the hospital; other departments immediately wonder if they're on the chopping block. So we crafted a message for all of hospital leadership, to clear the air and explain our reasons.

Nonetheless, it was awful. And I keep reminding myself that I'm the one who's still employed. It *could* be worse; I could be one of the people I laid off today.

*Sigh*

Tomorrow will be better. For all of us.

Firsts

I have a lot of firsts in my job. Most days bring about some new experience, analysis, question, introduction, interaction, or decision.

Unbeknownst to me, I've been kicked out of the nest. Well, slowly pushed just past the brink of the edge, where I feel like Wiley E. Coyote hovering in the air, 2,890 feet above a canyon floor. Nurse Jackie, Elvis, and EVOO did this quite cunningly, slowly transitioning large decision-making responsibilities to me.

It's both scary and empowering.

I need this. It's a growth experience and I'm quite aware that everything I do is on stage. Someone is always watching.

The firsts this week were painful. And they continually force me to have faith in my own decisions. It dawned on me that my decisions count and they're quickly affecting lives.

The training wheels are gone. Water wings deflated. Safety net folded and stored.

On Monday, I invited our VP of Finance to a throughput meeting for support on our average-length-of-stay goals for the hospital. EVOO didn't like that I challenged his authority. But I needed others to see another angle. Later that day, I took a couple managers over to an empty clinic space in the hospital and we walked through it, deciding who would go where when we moved. Based on their feedback, I informed the architects. It was fun to draw on the blueprints and negotiate with the architects!

On Tuesday, I fired an employee for a sexual harassment charge. After three painful hours of face-to-face interviews with the offender's co-workers, I made the decision on a very gray matter. It came down to ethics; we're not accepting that type of behavior and I refuse to subject women to that sort of environment.

Wednesday ushered in an early commute downtown for my first courtroom drama. I, along with three witnesses, our VP of Human Resources, and two lawyers, had to defend a termination I did in 2010 for terrible employee performance. She worked for the hospital for 22 years and then sued me/us for ageism. We had probably three reams' worth of documentation arguing this bogus claim. The judge had us each give our testimony and allowed our lawyers to help. It went well, but I kept studying the employee in question. She looked spry...freshly highlighted hair, golden tan, nice nails. Heck, if it were me filing an ageism case, I would have dyed my hair gray and walked in with a cane.

If you're going through the trouble of suing us, make it worth our while, 'kay?

After the two-hour courtroom experience (which went very well, per our attorneys), we celebrated with a trip to Garrett's popcorn. I've had Garrett's a few times, but never tried their spicy cheddar variety. That's the way to go. Calories be damned! It was cute, though; even the lawyers accompanied us and we all held up our popcorn bags on the sidewalk to "toast" the end of the lawsuit.

I attended a few meetings back at the hospital on Wednesday then met my friend Vera for an inaugural boxing class at our gym. It was social! It seemed fun! I would exercise and punch out my stress! Excited to try it, my enthusiasm turned to intimidation when the class filled up with sculpted African American men who had all obviously boxed before. But Vera and I powered through and I figured that'd be the only time in my life when I'd box with 20 dudes!

[Y'know, unless I end up in a street fight on a video game.]

Thursday brought another weird first when I had to teach two classes I was not prepared to teach. It's material I helped develop, but a colleague was to have taught those classes. Luckily, the classes went very well and one of my very favorite, optimistic co-workers saved the day.

She schooled me that day. I swallowed my anger, resolving to let it go and she called me on my attitude. I hadn't said one word and she said, "Sometimes we don't know what other people are going through." She instantly witnessed to the mercy and understanding that only a person with grace can portray. She's not a doormat; rather, the strongest person I know. Between classes, she discussed her own personal mission and how she does what she can, in the throes of each day, to give glory to God. She said it with such optimism and, I don't know, CERTAINTY.

Yep. I was schooled. And continue to be. I have so far to go in my own journey.

Friday, blessedly, was a catch up day for me and I spent the majority of the day talking to people, building relationships and advancing my political platform (hey, a lot of management is getting people lined up to support you!). However, I did have to discipline a manager and start the paper trail to eventually remove him from his position. He was Peter-principled and never quite stepped up to the plate. It'll take 10-12 months to remove him, but I had to begin the process.

Monday is bringing another very yucky first. I'll digest that via written word next week, for I cannot talk about it yet.

In the midst of all these firsts, I've encountered another annoying first...intensive online orientation for grad school. There's a program similar to Blackboard and the school assigned each student FOUR assignments. That's about five hours of work for orientation. That was definitely a first...wasting so much time on futile assignments! Regardless, I received my textbooks for class and can't wait to dig in next week. I haven't studied theology (formally) in twelve years and I hope I remember my biblical exegesis!

Pope!

In the heat of a full-fledged email attack from several co-workers this week, I noticed one that had arrived from my graduate school, announcing my new, school-based email address and password.

"Well," I thought, "it's a good time for a quick break to check this out."

Plus, I've never had an email address from a seminary before. I briefly wondered if it would ask me to set up security questions pertaining to poverty, obedience, and chastity.

SO I scrolled down the email to copy and paste the default password, usually something like "1H4s9Dv48N."

But it wasn't. The default password was "Pope Benedict!"

Does everyone have "Pope Benedict" for a default? Or do they rotate the popes?

I'm glad the IT guys have fun with this and at least they didn't ask about my vow of obedience!

Quote Journal: Wisdom

"When you come to see you are not as wise today as you thought you were yesterday, you are wiser today."

— Anthony de Mello

Balance

My tradition continues...of after a nice, relaxing vacation, I get struck down in the prime of life with some crappy flu bug.

This year's no different.

It was almost okay, apart from the self-induced guilt from missing a day of work when I had just been gone for a week and a half. But no one wants a sickie across the table coughing their way. The forced rest (this time, not by the beach) helped me easily transition from vacation time to the fresh start of the New Year. I didn't start the the New Year with harsh diets or parochial exercise plans.

Just chicken soup, OJ, and bed rest!

I resolved to take better care of myself. As I laid in bed before dawn this morning, unable to move through the body aches and croaking my TheraFlu needs to Jack, I decided to take care of myself and stay in bed. Work will be there tomorrow.

Work will always be there.

That's part of the problem with me, as I deeply realized over the last few weeks. All there is to my life is work (and some well-timed dinners with Jack). I have little balance in my life. That's one of the reasons I resumed my Theology degree. And why I give my Franciscan Leadership homework assignments such thorough attention. And the primary reason I signed up for two group fitness classes.

I'm not doing a gym membership. I can don my earphones and baseball cap and do my solo workout at our gym in our complex or on my dreadmill. I'm craving the social aspect and plan on using my boxing and Pilates classes with a couple close co-workers to reconnect and to get me out of work before 6 or 7 p.m. each evening.

Work's always going to be work and I'm going to be busy. It's just how I roll. After vacation, I returned to two sexual harassment charges in a department, a several RFP's to review for a consultant's engagement, two massive projects to manage, several ethics consults, a department to relocate, and a department to close. It excites me and I love what I do. Every morning, I wake up, eager for the next day's activities and challenges.

Yet, I can take it too far. That's why I am resolving to seek better balance this New Year.

I'm also piloting a new style here in blogville. Previously, I've used the blog to catalogue and reflect upon my experiences. It's starting to feel two-dimensional, at least to me. I want to refresh it and write about one focused topic at a time. My blog posts are starting to read like a treadmill of my life.

I don't want to subject any of us to that!

So we'll see how it goes. Everything in balance.

Life is Good!

Some people say they're "shaking the dust off" when they step back and take a break. For me, it was "shakin' the sand off" since we just spent eight days in Florida. The salt air and sunshine cleansed me, facilitated great relaxation, and gave me time to reflect on how I can attack 2012 with gusto.

We had a WONDERFUL time with our family. Not really sure if we would want to kill each other or create lifetime memories, the trip went pretty darn well. You see, we did not want to have any unfulfilled intentions. My folks are aging more than I'd like to admit and I never want to look back and say, "Man, we should have taken that trip and we missed our chance." So we took the trip.

All the travel plans went perfectly, the temperatures were way above normal, and we crafted new traditions. Calm and relaxed on the very last night in Florida, I sat outside in the 73-degree evening and reflected upon the trip, adoring the colored Christmas lights wrapped around our balcony.



On December 22, my folks and Brady traveled to our house in Chicagoland. As our flight out was at 6:00 a.m. from Midway, we sought to avoid a "Home Alone" moment and set no fewer than five alarm clocks! We landed in Tampa and checked into our hotel in Treasure Island. We immediately found the nearest outside beach bar and everyone sampled blackened Grouper (the best fish ever). Sauntering along the beach that day, we all devoured the sunshine, soaking up as many rays as possible. Life was good.



The next day, Christmas Eve, we headed over to Anna Maria Island and checked into our beachhouse. It was just fantastic; a three-story house with a pool and five houses from the white-sand beach. At 82 and sunny, we hurriedly grocery shopped for Christmas dinners and hit the beach for more Vitamin D absorption. It was Christmas Eve and we were playing in the sand on a beautiful beach! Life was good!



Deciding upon midnight mass for Christmas, Jack created a culinary masterpiece of grouper, salmon, crab cakes, and mahi-mahi for dinner. Our beach house had a whole-house stereo system, so we piped in Christmas tunes to solidify the atmosphere. Before mass, we took a ride around the small island, admiring the Christmas lights. Mass was beautiful and we all paid closer attention to make sure we grasped that it was, indeed, Christmas. In sandals and capris, after having a Christmas dinner of mahi-mahi, we weren't sure it would feel like Christmas. However, it did. And life was good.

Per my vacation tradition, I awoke at dawn on Christmas morning to walk the beach (I get up early every day on beach vacations; there is just something magical about dawn on a beach). I arrived back home to cinnamon rolls baking in the oven and the whole family out on the deck, sipping coffee and lounging in the sunshine. Does it get much better than that?

Jack whipped up a prime rib for dinner and chose to sear it on the grill before slowly roasting it in the oven for several hours. He left the grill unattended and Brady and I, floating in the pool, noticed flames licking out the sides of the grill. Black smoke billowed! Unsure of whether to douse the grill in pool water or stand helplessly by, Brady yelled for Jack to help and I stood frozen in place, nervous about the buzzards circling overhead! They saved the prime rib, but it made for some interesting bird-watching!

Christmas Day was weird, though. Different. After my folks tired of the beach, we all relaxed in the pool and via speakerphone, we called each member of the family to wish them a Merry Christmas. After eating the wonderful-but-torched prime rib, we retired to the living room to watch "The Christmas Story." It's not Christmas without Ralphie. Life was good, though!

The rest of the week went by blissfully uneventful. We alternated between beaching, pooling, sightseeing, and dreaming up ideas to get the entire family down for Christmas 2013 (y'know, if the whole Mayan thing doesn't happen in 2012!).



OH, and we ate a lot. Scallops, shrimp, and fish, oh my! In addition to our usual favorites, we squeezed in two visits to Starfish Company (this really hole-in-the-wall of all hole-in-the-wall restaurants that cooks off-the-boat fish) afforded us our share of grouper and soft shell crab.



Mom put aside a breaded crab leg as a joke and not looking before he grabbed a "french fry," Brady unsuspectingly ate the crab leg. That's a picture I wish I had!

Jack and I did manage to steal away for a couple romantic lunches. We use these times to plan our lives and goals and reconnect for the craziness that is sure to find us in 2012. One of our favorites is Columbia, for their tapas and champagne sangria. True to form, we sat there in the sunshine, sipping sangria, and charting out our shared and personal goals for 2012.



Our goals are pretty similar...trying to take better care of ourselves and becoming the best versions of ourselves. All of our sub-goals cascade from those two primary aims. And, of course, to drink more sangria!

So vacation was pretty spectacular. Jack and I booked our next trip and already programmed the count-down app to tick off the days until we depart.

Until then, it's time to put our proverbial noses to the grindstone and crank out a lot of work the next five months. With Jack in school and me resuming grad school (first class is Synoptic Gospels!), it'll go fast. But we're ready to go and to make it a great 2012. Life is good!