Ripples

I'm completely, 100% convinced that there's a God. And He's good.

Have you ever had years of life experience, random quotes, plotlines from books, stories from friends, and testimonies from others' faith that all converge, from all directions, into one singular brilliant point of light?

And then it changes your entire life, its direction, and makes you forget the past, all in one instant?

Well, I have. And for as much as I detest discernment (only because I'm not very good at it!), I cannot ignore these moments.

My good friend and cousin, Yoshi, reminded me that the teacher is always quiet during the test. And the past few months have seemed the biggest test of my adult life, with insane schedules that won't stop, mounting responsibilities, and unsympathetic, uncaring people erecting obstacles whenever possible.

I was really starting to wonder if I was barking up the wrong tree. Me, in healthcare and hospital leadership? Maybe I misread the memo. Maybe God was instead directing me to something far less heady and stressful. Maybe I overestimated my abilities and this whole "swimmming against the current" thing wasn't just me trying to enact change...maybe the tension was supposed to stop me and I was just too stubborn to see it. Did I miss my true calling as a stay-at-home mom? Was I supposed to have stayed in SB, toiling away at jobs for which I didn't care? Did my life incorrectly veer off on an opposite track and God was just waiting for me to recognize my foible and go running back to the safe life I once knew?

There were about 24 hours of weird coincidences that I now know were not coincidences. It's humbling to look back and see I'm only a ripple in that pond. Someone else threw the big rock into the pond to create all the ripples- and it was God who hoisted that rock into the water.

On Thursday evening, I was supposed to have attended an employee recognition banquet. I had several employees being recognized for their years of service. But Thursday afternoon was brutal, after about 4 hours of calls and stress that are going to result in me missing three months' revenue in one of my departments, my brain was going to leak out my ear like last week's decaying Chinese leftovers. I called my friend, Mary, and asked if she wanted to grab a quick drink before heading to the banquet.

Mary was ripe from a church retreat and glowing from her experiences. I hadn't had a chance to ask her about her time away. Over a glass of wine, she shared her entire story and some key experiences that seemlessly connected with her work at the hospital. That touched me- the way she interpreted her faith experiences in light of her work. THAT's a connection I've been missing lately. Needless to say, when I looked at my watch, we were an hour late for the banquet and decided to have dinner together because the employee recognition obviously wasn't happening for us.

But that's where we needed to be that evening. We both knew it.

On Friday, 12 hours after that conversation, I had a couple experiences that changed my life. I had an opportunity to serve patients in new ways I hadn't tried, let alone thought of, in the past. It opened my eyes and I now know healthcare's where I'm supposed to be. I can't elaborate, but it was a moment of clarity I'd been fighting, and I would have completely missed it had it not been for the spontaneous conversation and dinner with Mary.

I felt light. Empowered. Happy. Peaceful. Emotions I haven't truly experienced at work lately, if ever. All the past confusion, fear, bitterness, anger, and uncertainty no longer existed. And it was though those emotions never existed in the first place! At the greatest level of peace in my professional career, I went home on Friday night, eager to see Jack, walk several miles, and kick back on the 70 degree evening with tiki torches blazing and Jimmy Buffet blaring from our patio.

As I settled into my Friday night vibe, my cell phone rang. Looking down, I saw that it was Ra, my friend from St. Gonzo's. She was on the brink of quitting her job, over an intense situation that unfolded this week. She lamented the exact same issues with which I had been struggling the last few months (years?). Into my newfound peacefulness by a whole five hours or so, I listened to Ra and then offered up Mary's story, and then my story. She immediately saw how she could add her story to our stories, building another chapter into the testimony.

I was a ripple in the pond...affected and then was asked to affect another person. It's so far beyond me. But I'm grateful to play a part in helping that wave of energy reach the other shores of the pond. We're all in this together and that's the true meaning of Church- getting each other where we need to go and spreading the right kind of energy and joy as we journey onward.

God is good. Do not be mistaken.

So at this point, I'm holding on, while the roller coaster whips around hair-pin turns with hair-raising speed. Instead of closing my eyes and wishing it'd all be over soon so I could start my real adventure, I'm going into it, eyes-wide-open, fully aware that this roller coaster is only going traverse stomach-dropping hills while increasing its speed.

But this is where I'm supposed to be. Someone please get my picture on the roller coaster cam as the coaster rushes by!

Leisurely Swim

Here we are, almost in mid-May, and I'm wondering where the heck time's going again!

But, more importantly, I've had some time to catch up, stop swimming against the current, and actually throw in a few leisurely backstrokes. Well, I'm not sure if I HAD time or MADE time, but you get my drift. There was a big corporate meeting today that I skipped and I knocked through a one-page to-do list before 3pm. Priorities!

I've forced myself to make some changes in my life. Historically, Jack and I always do this "nose to the grindstone" thing from January-May, where we don't go out much, we save money, we work hard on school and work, and emerge in mid-May hungry for a beach vacation and Jimmy Buffet.

[Vacation's in June this year. We decided to rent a beach house on Lake Michigan and, believe me, I'm counting the milliseconds.]

I'm tired of my wellbeing suffering because of work. Even Elvis pulled me aside and said he was worried about me. I will do anything to make the care better for our patients, but I've been increasingly stepping out of political turfwars or battles of the will that just complicate everything and make everyone tired.

Plus, I piloted the "Ra Project."

Remember my pal from my Franciscan Leadership program, Ra? She works a zillion hours and after a week in the Cayman Islands, decided to turn off her laptop, pager, and blackberry at 6pm every night. She reported better focus, better sleep, and (gasp) time with her boyfriend. It's so counter-cultural for anyone in administration.

Amazed, I tried the same thing. I shut everything off by 7pm and (bigger gasp) actually relax most evenings now. Believe it or not, the work is still there in the morning and I have 100% more gusto to hit it all first thing.

[Don't act so surprised, this is truly new to me!]

I've only been able to institute the "Ra Project" this week because my massive department closure, construction, move, and re-opening occurred last Friday. The biggest project so far in my career is complete and it was an amazing success. It wasn't me- the whole team stepped up and acted as one unit for the entire transition. The whole way home Friday night, I beamed ear-to-ear, happy to relish this one success.

Hey, if we don't celebrate our successes, who will?

But on Monday morning, we finished planning and crews started demo on the other two projects. I became primary oversite on a $2M renovation. Another department cropped up needing reorganization and interim management. I was contacted by our affiliated physician group asking if I would please, oh please, accommodate the optometry practice in an already-tight clinic space. We had a CSI moment in the morgue that required hazmat intervention (will spare you the details on that one!) and a patient stumble into Occupational Medicine with his ear hanging off his head.

And so on goes the hospital gravy train. But y'know what? It'll all still be there when I'm rested and refreshed tomorrow morning.

HGTV

One of my crazier, yet oddly fun, assignments lately has taken me into the world of construction management.

It's my first real forray into any sort of construction, let alone demolition, renovation, and rebuilding- not to mention the least-organized processes I've ever seen to access the funds to let me do the first three things!

It's an opportunity! Not a frustration or complication.

[Yep, that's what I keep telling myself!]

It's been straight-up fun to meet with the architects and design the new spaces, imagining what the finished product will be. And picking out paint, counters, laminate, flooring, fabric, and furniture? Awesome.

I feel like I should have a design show on HGTV..."Hospitals Impossible." Maybe "Trading Hospitals?" Oh, how about "Million Dollar Clinics?"

All the planning is fun, particularly when I regularly took the updated drawings and plans back to the staff for feedback. They're the ones that have to live with my decisions- why should I have all the fun? They've added tweaks and improvements to make the work spaces workable and best for our patients.

The part on which I was (and still am) completely clueless? The operational process of moving a department. I had no idea the number of pieces and people had to be involved in the building, moving, and closing of a clinic. I guess it's one thing to build a clinic, another to relocate, and yet another to close one. Add all three together and you have a recipe for madness.

Or maybe just margaritas.

Regardless, since I have THREE of these separate projects going on (my Diabetes/Bariatric center, complete restructuring and relocation of inpatient dialysis, and from-the-ground-up building and furnishing of a continuity clinic - kind of like a medical home, where uninsured patients can come and see the same doctor repeatedly for ongoing, follow-up care), I feel like I'm moving three monster households at once.

You know what it's like to move- when you have no idea where you packed your coffee pot or where in the world your heating pad went- you try to keep pushin' on. Having three departments like this is getting a bit hairy and I've had to start faking my peace and serenity.

The first step in that direction was to get a lavendar vanilla air freshner for my new office.

Second step was to increase my frequency of massages from once a month to twice a month.

Third step was to order my affected employees chair massages. I'm trying to be that cool boss who cares about her peeps...and it's going to be Spa Day at St. Fozzie's soon.

I know they'll appreciate it. And I know they've earned it!!

Trouble?

One of my managers, Holly, is flourishing like nothing I’ve ever seen before. It’s not me- all I did was clip the rubber band that held back her proverbial wings. She’s flyin’ now!

And may have gotten in trouble. I was so proud!

I always tell all my staff that if errant processes or bureaucracy gets in their way, stand up for what the clinic or department needs. In this case, it was a printer. Because of a printer consolidation project from our IT folks, one of this manager’s printers was going to be removed from the department. She explained to me how this would impact clinic flow and patient care, by adding delays and steps to the nurses’ work flows.

I told her I had her back. Patients and staff shouldn’t suffer because IT wants to save a few bucks.

So she pushed back on the IT people and refused to let them remove her printer. I laughed out loud when I received an email that said,

“Dorrie, they came to take away our printer and I would not let them. I threw my body across it in defiance because I am NOT doing this to our patients or staff. If you hear any repercussions about it, I told them to call you.”

So far, I have not received an email or call from the director of IT. I’m thinking they don’t want to mess with Holly!

Moving

I knew yesterday was going to be a light meeting day. I was thrilled to have time to whittle my to-do list down from three pages to, hopefully, one. I have to-do lists for my to-do lists and something has to change. Even two of my managers came by to express their sympathy for my stress. That's not cool. My stress is not their problem and I need to do a better job of not appearing stressed out at work.

Does anyone have any valium I could borrow?!

So yesterday started out light. I sat down in my office a little before 8:00 and at 8:13, two gentlemen from maintenance came by and asked when I'd be ready to move.

I set my coffee down and allowed my bleary-eyed haze to clear. Moving?

Moving?

I knew I was changing offices, but I sure-as-Hades didn't know it was today!

It was just time- I have two very nice offices and spend time 50/50 in them. I carry my entire house on my back between campuses and it is impossible to stay organized with two "home bases." Plus, I know the director of Facilities well and he promised me a window if I consolidated down to one office.

Score!

So I threw my stuff in boxes, filled up a dumpster, shredded enough paper to coat Manhattan, and moved.

Old Office A:

Old Office B:

New Office C, as seen from my desk, in the height of the insanity:

New Office C, as I fought the temptation to cry and hide under my desk until the paperwork rotted away:

New Office C, after a five-hour teleconference (hey, I was careful to pipe up every half hour or so!):

So I'm home now, at one campus, with all my junk in one place. The best part? The first time I've had real estate with a window. That afternoon sunshine is wonderfully refreshing and I think I can finally replace my fake ficas tree with a real tree!

Pictures with Words

It's been a while since I've updated Bloggoville with any regularly. Part of me hasn't felt like it. The other part was staying up too late and getting up too early to prevent my ever-growing mountain of work from consuming me like a big, green monster. Luckily, I'm learning more about where my career is going (and where it's not going) and on which projects I should truly focus. Or delegate. Or strategically procrastinate on because I'm not feeling it or not sold on the business purpose behind such projects.

Do you like that term, "strategically procrastinate?"

It's almost as good as saying Costco stores are the "cathedrals of consumerism."

[haha, right?]

So while work's been work and I continue to juggle a dozen beach balls, I have a better sense of where I'm headed. This is good. While I've been surfing the waves of conflict and stress, Jack's been keeping busy in the kitchen (while making me fat).

After we finished Mom's lamb cake from Easter,

Jack bought a couple packages of Puff Pastry. It's more like, "Puff the Magic Pastry." He made fruit tarts and the glistening finish comes from warm apricot jam that sets the fruit in place.

When Jack finished the tarts, he handed them to me on top of my latest HBR that had just arrived in the mail.

Which I thought looked hilarious. Steve Jobs points at the tarts.


Later that day, Jack whipped up a tailgate dream: Manwich and cheddar-stuffed Puff pastry.

Our day of Puff was amazing. Until we realized that puff pastry is 98% butter and each bite packs about 100 calories.

***************

While my fat settled, I returned to the treadmill of work and attended another Franciscan Leadership retreat last weekend. Quickly praying to God for a sign about my career, I slowly drove up the convent grounds and came face-to-face (face-to-car?) with the chairperson of our system's board, standing in the middle of the road.

God usually doesn't answer me like that. "God, can I have a sign?" "BOOM, here's a sign."

Except that I realized the chairperson was practicing her turkey calls, communicating with a broad (flock?) of turkeys on the hillside.

Hmm. Maybe I'm the turkey.

The retreat was INTENSE and one of our instructors, a professor from Harvard, graced us with 12 hours of upper-level Ecclesiology and the formation of doctrine and dogma. The retreat participants struggled through the material and my geeky self was in theological hog heaven with all the talk of the Magisterium's authority and infallibility.

[Just post an "L" on my forehead!]

However, I worked too late before leaving the night before the retreat and was in severe danger of being late to the convent. One must arrive before 9 p.m. or face being locked out of the grounds. I didn't have time to stop on the highway for a quick burger; I arrived at 8:58 p.m. that evening, sighing with relief and shaking with hunger.

In my room, rifling through my bags for any hint of nutrition, I stumbled upon a little bag of peanuts from Southwest Airlines the last time I used my luggage in January.

Hey, that 1 oz bag of nuts stabilized my blood sugar and shut my stomach up enough to sleep.

*************

Returning to the treadmill again, I resumed my discernment struggles and stress. Because of the retreat and family stuff, I completely forgot about the management bakesale sponsored by the hospital's leadership on Tuesday. Late Monday evening, I ran to a nearby gourmet bakery and picked up $20 worth of cookies for the bakesale.

I know, it's the epitome of sad laziness. But I do try to honor my word, even if it means a stash of storebought goodies. And my laziness did not stop me from digging into the box on my drive home:

Tuesday was rough. Rough enough that when I finally got into my car at 8:30 pm, I found this "card" from Jack, who snuck into my car mid-day to leave it for me:

And when I got home, I found a box on my porch. I looked closer and noticed it was from Lush. I thought to myself, "wow, did I order Lush in my sleep again?" Nope, it was my dear, amazing, wonderful, generous, friend, Nurse Starbucks, surprising me with a whole box of fun and smelly Lush stuff.

Between Nurse Starbucks' and Jack's gestures and three employees individually seeking me out to thank me for my work, I somehow made it through the week.

Plus, we cracked open a bottle of this last night:

It's a great feeling to survive a couple weeks like these and kick back with your hubby on a Friday night...just to conk out cold at 8:30, without even having finished your Manhattan!

Oh well, there's always next Friday night!

I'm grateful for my opportunities, my friends, and Jack. Thank you for getting me through this time (and for not yelling at me for buying store bought cookies!!)

Flying

Dancing

Easter

I'm not sure what I want to remember most from this past weekend- time with family, the family time, or time when family was over.

To quote God (and Martha Stewart)- "it was good."

Easter's always a special time around here; the fasting is over, darkness turned to light, sorrow turned to laughter, and the celebrations begin. Easter's different from other holidays- the celebration is laced with joy and lightheartedness, witnessing to the fact that we don't have anything to worry about anything ever again. Technically, we're supposed to celebrate Easter for 8 days- sounds like a plan to me!

With all that's been swirling at work lately, I feel I've earned this four-day weekend. I took today (Monday) to relax in peace and do my own thing. But all I'm doing is sitting around, incredulous that the party is over and everyone's gone. My restful peace is more like loneliness- where'd all that family go?

Jack's mom came up to visit on Friday and accompanied us to the church services of Triduum on Friday and Saturday. The services were just beautiful and it was great to have Jack's mom with us. Then on Sunday, everyone made the drive to partake in Jack's Easter Extravaganza, a full Polish feast, complete with Italian appetizers. I'm always very intent on making sure everyone has a good time and sometimes, it makes the day go by way too quickly. My 8 month-old niece and I were the only two with today off, so I know why they all had to leave...but that didn't stop Jack and I from sitting out on the porch after everyone left, wistfully rehashing the great times we had this weekend.

Sometimes it's hard living this far away from our families. Usually we're fine, especially if we make the trek to SB to visit everyone. After the visiting, we happily get back on the highway for home, so grateful for our lives out here. But when they all come to US, it's different. When the last car's taillights disappeared beyond the curve in our subdivision, Jack and I looked at each other like, "wow, it's over? The party just started!"

I can see why Easter should be eight days long! We had enough food and candy to feed everyone all over again and joyous holidays like that SHOULD be multi-day celebrations. I also get why the Polish celebrate Dyngus Day!

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to keep celebrating. I'm going to try and let the Easter celebration infiltrate (gasp!) even my toughest work situations and stressors.

Happy Easter!

Patients

I haven't gone on a healthcare rant lately and instead of the annual April Fools' joke I play on you, I'll rant instead!

I had the "opportunity" to be a patient in our healthcare system on Friday. I had a physician office visit and then small, outpatient procedure. My appointment was first thing in the morning and, since it was storming outside, I arrived rain-soaked. I was presented with no less than six forms on which I had to repeat almost the exact same information. Several forms were carbon copy, too! It made no sense to me since they "pre-registered" me over the phone three weeks ago.

Then I was asked to self-address my own envelopes for my test results and reminder for my follow-up appointment. I thought to myself, "Man, this is a great process...for the office!"

What about the patient, though?

Does any of this add value for the patient?

Despite the fact that the office staff did everything they could to shift their mundane work to the patient, the physician was wonderful. However, in the entire visit, the *only* thing that added value to the patient (me) was the actual physician visit. All of the other waiting, duplicate forms, assuming of office staff's work (thank goodness that wasn't one of my practices- holy cow, I would have HAD a cow) did not add value. And they were on their best behavior, knowing I'm on the leadership team at the hospital. What sort of treatment do the "average joes" get from them?

Even though I was the first patient of the morning, I counted my wait time (because I'm cool like that) and calculated 18 minutes. 18 minutes where I was in the waiting room or the exam room. Technically, in the world of medical specialists, 18 minutes is nothing.

But it got me thinking...what would life be like if we put the patient first? What if all the paperwork was completed ahead of time or, even better, the office quickly detailed patient information in an electronic medical record? What if we had a continuous record of the patients' information so as not to make them repeat everything 49 times?

What if (gasp) there were no waiting rooms? What if we scheduled our patients for THEIR convenience (not the physician's or office staff's?) and patients flowed in and out of clinic so we didn't even need a waiting room?

It's a utopia. But I'm taking my own patient experience back to the practices I manage...Even though we will not be able to get all the non-value-add's out of the system, I wonder how much of what we're doing is actually of value to the patient.

And do we ever put the patient first?

Along this same vein, I leave you with the following video. It's hysterical only because it's so very true. If you work in the healthcare field, you will laugh and then cringe.