Legal Troubles

My heart STOPPED this afternoon when I ducked into my Fozzie Heights office after being at the other campus all morning. The secretaries are usually good about opening the mail and organizing the stuff for you to read, stuff for you to sign, stuff for you to send on after your perusal, etc. Except that I spotted a large brown envelope in my inbox, from the legal firm that represents St. Fozzie's and Muppet Corporate.

I instantly broke out into a cold sweat, sure that this was the subpoena from one of the malpractice cases I thought I dodged several weeks ago. I had two cases I was sweating but after we waived the hospital portion of the fees, I thought everything had blown over.

As I tore into the envelope, I saw my career flashing before my eyes and exploding in a plume of radioactive uranium to an early death. Shaking as I rifled through the paperwork inside, I couldn't locate the suing company's name. Who's ending my career?! Who are they? Who dares to do this to me?!

Pausing to READ the documents inside, I saw that it was merely an invitation (and accompanying coursework) for a legal conference in which they were discussing nonprofit healthcare and healthcare reform. And would I be willing to attend?

Yeah…cue the deep breath. They REALLY shouldn't send those things in the same envelopes they use to ship subpoenas!

Fish

In 24 days, I'll be relaxing on the beach with the newest issue of US Weekly (shhhhh!), an umbrella drink, and some Jimmy Buffet piping out my tiny travel speakers.



Oh, and don't forget to feed the fish on the sidebar (you do this by clicking around on the box). Thought this was a lively addition to Just Keep Swimming!

Philly: Tourists and Cheesesteaks

Because Jack and I almost always vacation in sunny, beach-releated retreats, we rarely have the chance to do any actual tourist activities. Even when we went to Ireland, we kept our tourist tendencies to a minimum. It dawned on me that I've visited 28 countries but have never seen any significant monument from American history!

So, in Philly, we cast aside our worries and hit the tourist track.



Flying in Thursday morning, we jumped in our rental car, stashed our belongings at the B&B (located on the campus of Temple University) and hit the path. We visited Independence Hall (where the Declaration of Independence and Constitution were signed), snapped our pictures with the Liberty Bell (reverently enshrined in a plexiglass room), took a self-paced tour of the US Mint (which was stamping quarters and pennies for our monetary pleasure), and revered Benjamin Franklin's grave. We gaped at the seemingly tongue-in-cheek Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, and George Washington characters milling around the area. Why hadn't I swallowed my pride and had my picture taken with George Washington? That would have been a neat shot for when I open my B&B and need celebrity pictures to line my downstairs bar!

Before and after our touring, we indulged in Philly Cheese steak sandwiches. I'm glad I'm a carnivore!

On Friday night, Jack and I took off for Pat's, the world-renowned Cheese steak dive in southern Philly. When we received our cheese steaks, neither one of us said one word for the entire 15 minutes it took to eat (inhale) those sandwiches. Everyone knows it's a Pat's v. Gino's war in Philly for the best steak, but we opted for Pat's.





With stomachs full of cheese steak bliss, we hit the bridge. As in, the Benjamin Franklin Bridge to Camden, New Jersey. A three-mile round trip, we hiked the bridge at twilight and savored a breezy, 80 degree summer evening from the bridge. I must note that this is the first time I got stage fright. I'm not afraid of heights and this bridge totally overwhelmed my sense of balance!



Then on Sunday, God hit the "Oh, that's right, it's autumn!" button on His eternal dashboard and the weather transformed from sticky and 90 to freezing cold, damp, and 60 (of COURSE we packed for this change). I drug my sick self out of bed Sunday morning and while we briefly debating changing our flights to an earlier time, we decided to make the most of the day.

I've always wanted to see Eastern State Penitentary. I have a strange fascination with jails...so many people come to terms with their lives' actions (or go insane!) in those rooms and spend months or years within their walls. Some emerge with a completely-different world outside their doorsteps (think Shawshank Redemption). So Jack indulged me on my jail tour and we visited Eastern State. Even though I sported a probably-100+ degree temperature and was going through kleenex at a rate of two boxes every hour, what better way to spend the day than trooping through the rain at a prison?

It was awful. The outside, shrouded in heavy, dark granite and iron grates, resembled a medieval castle. A 7-foot thick, 30 foot-high wall guarded the property, which was divided into a total of 12 cell blocks. Designed to deter crime in 1820's Philly, the castle-structure pioneered the concept of solitary confinement and with its dark, dank cells, tried to reform hardened criminals within its walls.



Pause for shivers!

Jack and I, always the geeks, joined an architectural tour to see behind-the-scenes cell blocks and courtyards. I thought the rain added a degree of penance even the Quakers would have been proud of. The Penitentary (from the word "penance") was a worthwhile stop on our Philly tour and after being soaked in the steady rain, Jack and I sought refuge at Jack's Firehouse (across the street) for lunch.

So while I have to return to Philly in April, I doubt Jack will return with me. Unless, of course, I can dangle a Pat's cheese steak in front of his eyes in a hypnotic manner!

Philly: Ethics

I went to Philly with the understanding that I would have two solid days of Catholic moral theology and healthcare ethics. Healthcare ethics addresses how you run hospitals so they are consistent with Catholic teaching. Just in case you were curious! I drove through a very questionable part of town to reach the conference locale, forcing me to run through my litany of favorite saints for protection! Perhaps that was the calisthenics portion of the seminar? :)

While I knew the ethics portion would be heavy, I couldn't wait to attend the conference. With seminars entitled "When 'Dead' Really Means Dead," "Babies are Begotten, not Made," "The Whole Story of Stem Cell Research," and "The Good, Bad, and Ugly of Organ Transplantation," I knew I was in for a treat! The "less controversial" topics, such as Advanced Directives and End-of-Life Care, also created rich discussion among the interesting divide of participants in the conference. As usual, I was the youngest in the room by 20+ years, half the room was represented by Religious and physicians, and the others consisted of heady, intellectual administrators who liked to discuss the discourses of Catholic theology in their spare time. Seriously, how often do you walk into a room and hear arguments about the veracity of the Council of Nicea and medieval theology's incorrect interpretation of Christ's divinity and how it led to the schism of the Church?

This was intellectually-aggressive fodder, considering the fact that the days' seminars gave the option to start with hour-long masses. Perusing the agenda beforehand, I couldn't understand why they budgeted an hour for mass when it was on the weekday...then I found out it the mass was solemn, sung Latin.
Rats, I'm totally lapsed on my pre-Vatican II Latin! I need the Rosetta Stone software to learn Latin!

Regardless, the ethics portion of the weekend was wonderful. I actually grasped the Church's reasoning behind its ethical stances and understood how they evolved from natural law. It wasn't just a bunch of upper-middle class white men in their 70's, sitting around in robes, trying to think of ways to make Catholics' lives less entertaining (as is the case with popular thought). The ethics actually stems from Aristotle and Thomas Aquinas' understanding of human morality and interpretation of natural law. Interesting stuff.

How many people get to study one of their passions as part of their job?! I will keep telling myself this as I trudge through the two seven-pound ethics textbooks they sent home with each participant...(even as she slaps her forehead with her right hand in the shape of an "L")!!

Philly Phlu

Well, I'm back from Philadelphia. I saw the sights of American history (Independence Hall, Liberty Bell, the Mint, Ben Franklin Bridge, and Eastern State Penitentary), attended two days of Catholic bioethics traning, ate three different iterations of Philly cheesesteaks, and came down with a massive bug.

Actually, I was getting sick before we left (Jack went to Philly with me). On the drive home from work, late Wednesday evening, one minute I was fine and the next minute I was swallowing razor blades. I knew my stress would catch up with me, but of course it had to happen when Jack and I had a romantic weekend planned around my ethics training!

I fought through and medicated accordingly. However, my lack of stopping to rest in Philly made me even more sick and now I'm typing this from my bed (yes, at 10:51 on a Monday morning) because I feel like I have the Plague. Being faced with 12 straight hours of booked meetings today was too much and after taking my temp to see it 101.8 this morning and being racked with body aches, I cried "uncle!" Actually, I cried "secretary" and asked my assistant to cancel everything today. Two teleconferences I can handle. Twelve hours of meetings...well...that makes me want to hide in an earthen cave and avoid civilization by canning my own homemade salsa.

Hey, as newsworthy as my sick days are, at least it gives me time to update this!

Home

After being at the Fozzie Fields campus all day Monday and in Lean training (which I was asked to spearhead on a hospital-wide level!) for the last two days, I drug myself back into the executive offices at 5:27 p.m. this evening. One of the secretaries looked up when I walked by, toting my stack of used newsprint, markers, and binders, and said, "Oh, you're finally home!"

While I do often think of this place as "home," just because I am here an awful lot, it warmed my tired heart in an unexpected way to hear her welcome me back.

I'm a cornball, what can I say?!

Potatoes!

[Insert big, long sigh here.]

Day One of MPH training is complete!

"MPH" stands for "Mister Potato Head." And it was the simulation used to help a group of hospital directors figure out how to use Lean methodologies in their departments. We know we're not cranking out patients here, but many of the methodologies used in factories actually relate to the hospital setting.

It is pretty hilarious to see all these uptight and proper people, flailing through a Mr. Potato Head assembly line (picture hands, glasses, and noses flying everywhere), to replicate a manufacturing environment. We created the first assembly line to be purposefully slow and bottleneck-y and we let the group create process changes that would streamline the assembly process.

Except that when we allowed them to make changes to the process, we also increased the productivity demands and made them output more product with less time. That's *exactly* what happens in the hospital!

Soon, even the stoic, old-school directors were laughing and joining in the fun. The day consisted of other activities and break-out sessions, but MPH was the conversation point of the day. I don't think anyone will look at a MPH the same way, ever again.

I know I won't...especially after setting up the simulation and seeing 30+ naked, blank potato heads in a Rubbermaid box! Aaugh! Aaaaugh! My eyes!

Leadership versus Management

All I can say from today is "Ugh!"

I hired a new manager today. She was one of two in an internal applicant pool I interviewed for the position. I created the job for one of them, so they had a 50/50chance each. The candidates were on polar ends of the scale; one was a seasoned manager, accustomed to running a department in black and white decisions. One was an inexperienced manager who had passion and enthusiasm eeking out her pores. She radiated leadership. In my head, it wasn't a contest. I made my decision; my notes and objective rating scale agreed with my gut. I ran my decision past the Medical Director of the department who quickly agreed with me.

I hired the inexperienced leader.

You can teach a leader how to manage, but you cannot teach a manager how to lead. Leadership is in your bones, it's in your genes. You cannot fake it and even more so, the people around you REALLY KNOW when you are faking it. This department needs a leader, not a manager. The management part can be learned.

So I gave the applicants the news. Actually, the conversation where I hired the manager was fun. She cried and then got so embarrassed that she cried! Then she immediately agreed to get tougher. All in all, it was a positive experience and I'm going to help her learn the managerial gig. The second candidate was MUCH harder. I had no idea how hard it was to tell an internal candidate that they didn't get the job. They have to work with the others day-in, day-out and there's a huge potential for an "us" versus "they" situation. I hate to say this, but I learned a lot from my former experience when I didn't get the position I applied for.

Interviewing and hiring external candidates is completely different.** You don't know them or their experience, so you can be objective when you converse with them. I don't even tell non-chosen applicants they didn't get the job; I have Human Resources do that dirty work! So this was a first for me...I think I weathered it okay, but time will tell.

**By the way, I have to insert a small anecdote that made me think of my friend Lula (who also hired lately). On one of my external job postings, I received three bizarre email addresses for applicants' contact information! One was "GlitzEgal," one was "Greenacres," and one was "BedSqueeka." C'mon, if you're going to apply for a job, get a generic email address (even if you never check it!).

Gala Gear

My job occasionally requires me to don an evening gown, strap on some fancy, high-heeled sandals, and drag out the pearl and/or rhinestone jewelry I keep in a shoebox in the back of my spare closet. Gala season is quickly approaching and the hospital's gala is in a few short weeks. It's a black tie affair at the Palmer House Hilton.

Cue the tension headache and hyper-ventilation!

I stress about these hospital-sponsored events where I have to dress up in cocktail attire. I work for nuns, so that immediately means 3/4 of the dresses are out of the question. Plunging neckline to there? Leg slit up to where? So short you cannot walk without it hiking up to your waist? Yeah, you get the picture.

Plus, I just hate dress shopping (it's an impossible combination...finding a dress you love, that fits well, that costs less than $100, in less than an hour). I hate going to the mall and believe it or not, tend to avoid the mall. I do hit the outlet mall, but that's only if I need a couple suits or black heels for work.

So imagine my surprise when Jack spearheaded Operation: Find Inexpensive, Flattering, Semi-Modest Dress for Dorrie in One Hour. I laughed at the sheer ignorance of his boyish enthusiasm.

Yet I actually found my gala dress at Macy's, the second store we visited. It was quick, the dress is flattering, and I found perfectly-matching high-heeled dancin' shoes at DSW. In short, it was a miracle.

The above picture is the closest I could find to the dress. Except mine is a midnight blue satin (with midnight shoes!). So now I'm excited to attend the gala...I have something to wear on the big night!

Irish Chi Sox

I'm actually relishing the rainy, cloudy day this Saturday afternoon. Rainy days give me permission to relax and lounge in bed (after I've done a few hours of work and gone running!). Nonetheless, today's rainy, crusty fall day encouraged Jack to whip up a simmering pot of chili and allowed me to nap during the slow points of the college football games.

This week is finally over and I couldn't be happier. The stress beat me down and by the end of the week, I dreaded looking into the mirror to see my own blood-shot eyes and under-eye bags staring me back in my reflection. All vanity aside, that's just not pretty!

Last night, we went to a ChiSox game with two of Jack's friends and while it was great, the Sox lost (actually, they got pulverized). I still take it for granted that we live 20 minutes from The Cell and that going to games is within our realm of possibilities. I just wish the Cubs OR Sox would do something fabulous...we have two teams here and both seem to tank at the end of the season!

At least it was "Halfway to St. Patty's Day" at The Cell. The Sox wear green, U2 and other Irish bands infiltrate the airwaves, and a group of Irish, kilt-wearing singers sung the National Anthem.

Oh, and there's green beer. Let's not forget about the green beer.

Even those that "Irish" team lost last night, let's hope a certain other Irish team can win against Michigan State tonight!