The last 24 hours of my life have got to be among the worst on record.I'm generally an optimist. I woke up this morning with my usual burst of optimistic "What can I do first?!" attitude. As I sobered up from my dreamy state, the weight of my current predicaments surrounded me with a cape of darkness. I'll be honest with you, I briefly wondered if I should even get out of bed. If I didn't get out of bed, I reasoned that things couldn't get much worse.
Alas, I got out of bed and got myself into work. I had bags under my eyes, an unengaged heart, and every step felt like I was dragging myself through quicksand.
In short, my world came crashing down in the last 24 hours. I know I'll look back on this and probably be grateful I made it through without landing in a psyche ward. Plan B was to give all my belongings to charity, raffle off my house, quit my job, grab Jack, and use our savings to buy a hut on an outer island of the Bahamas.
Yesterday, I participated in the annual St. Fozzie's Golf Classic. I volunteered to help with registration, took pictures, and rode around in a golf cart and schmoozed physicians. It was a SWAMP. We had a round of severe storms that dumped about a foot of rain on the area and the golf courses were under water. However, the course permitted us to play and I did my Miss America greeting and schmoozing in the 95+ degree humid heat. We wilted like flowers.
Yesterday, I participated in the annual St. Fozzie's Golf Classic. I volunteered to help with registration, took pictures, and rode around in a golf cart and schmoozed physicians. It was a SWAMP. We had a round of severe storms that dumped about a foot of rain on the area and the golf courses were under water. However, the course permitted us to play and I did my Miss America greeting and schmoozing in the 95+ degree humid heat. We wilted like flowers.
Sticky, grossly disgusting, with grass sticking to my legs, I headed for home. On the way home, I noticed a text from my realtor. It said, "Call me as soon as you can." I'm no rocket scientist, but that is never a good thing. Of course, it was the worst possible news, that our house sale is being postponed or worse, canceled. To make a long (and dirty and scandalous) story short, I'll leave it at this...our buyer appears to be a weasel. A strategic weasel.
Mysteriously, our nice, well-kept, well-maintained house appraised $15,000 below the neighbor's house next door that has none of the updates, no basement, and is just cruddy. We were stiffed between $15-20,000 on the appraisal that obviously makes the sales price no good. The contract is null and void. Jack and I are in a state of limbo and we have no clue what the next few days will bring. We were supposed to close on the house tomorrow morning. That's off and the buyer isn't even divulging whether he's walking or negotiating. It doesn't sound that bad in written form here, but we've had nothing but problems with this guy. Just yesterday morning, I was driving to working thinking, "Yes! Closing is 48 hours away, we made it!"
Nope. It's all up in the air. I hate bring in limbo. It makes a pretty good argument for wanting to avoid Purgatory. Can you even imagine being stuck in Purgatory, twiddling your thumbs, not sure of God's judgment for your eternity? That would be awful.
Then the storms hit. I'm not good with tornadoes when I'm home alone and have no basement. I should've drugged myself with benedryl so I slept through it! I was just sick about the house, trying to will the bile back down to my stomach. The storms just served to upset me more...and I didn't realize I couldn't follow the storms online when I lost power for about an hour. True panic set it because my Chicagoland address was in the path of the supposed rain-wrapped tornadoes.
Mysteriously, our nice, well-kept, well-maintained house appraised $15,000 below the neighbor's house next door that has none of the updates, no basement, and is just cruddy. We were stiffed between $15-20,000 on the appraisal that obviously makes the sales price no good. The contract is null and void. Jack and I are in a state of limbo and we have no clue what the next few days will bring. We were supposed to close on the house tomorrow morning. That's off and the buyer isn't even divulging whether he's walking or negotiating. It doesn't sound that bad in written form here, but we've had nothing but problems with this guy. Just yesterday morning, I was driving to working thinking, "Yes! Closing is 48 hours away, we made it!"
Nope. It's all up in the air. I hate bring in limbo. It makes a pretty good argument for wanting to avoid Purgatory. Can you even imagine being stuck in Purgatory, twiddling your thumbs, not sure of God's judgment for your eternity? That would be awful.
Then the storms hit. I'm not good with tornadoes when I'm home alone and have no basement. I should've drugged myself with benedryl so I slept through it! I was just sick about the house, trying to will the bile back down to my stomach. The storms just served to upset me more...and I didn't realize I couldn't follow the storms online when I lost power for about an hour. True panic set it because my Chicagoland address was in the path of the supposed rain-wrapped tornadoes.
However, I went to bed, determined to not let the butthead buyer get to me. Upon waking, I realized that I was still devastated and apparently my psyche was even worried about me. I had a nightmare that I had a heart attack and ended up in the St. Fozzie's cardiac intensive care unit.
As I stated above, I overcame the drama, sadness, and fury and went to work.
Why, I'm not exactly sure.
I had a round of one-on-one meetings with my direct reports. One meeting was good, one was challenging. Then I had a meeting with HR (a standing meeting to discuss HR issues as I reorganize my departments). After discussing the one employee who is taking up huge chunks of time (multiple write-up's), I talked shop with the VP.
She revealed a HOST of problems about my position. I won't go into great detail here, but apparently, she's getting an earful about me. It's not *me* people have a problem with, but the fact that I am perceived to be the golden child, the favored one. People think I am favored because I have a swanky office in Admin (big whoop, the location is nice only because I have easy access to Nurse Jackie and EVOO), am allowed in senior administrator meetings to present results on projects given to me by Elvis and EVOO, and even though I'm "only" a director, get asked to join dozens of committees. People are envious, the envy becomes jealousy, and the jealousy becomes anger.
I had a round of one-on-one meetings with my direct reports. One meeting was good, one was challenging. Then I had a meeting with HR (a standing meeting to discuss HR issues as I reorganize my departments). After discussing the one employee who is taking up huge chunks of time (multiple write-up's), I talked shop with the VP.
She revealed a HOST of problems about my position. I won't go into great detail here, but apparently, she's getting an earful about me. It's not *me* people have a problem with, but the fact that I am perceived to be the golden child, the favored one. People think I am favored because I have a swanky office in Admin (big whoop, the location is nice only because I have easy access to Nurse Jackie and EVOO), am allowed in senior administrator meetings to present results on projects given to me by Elvis and EVOO, and even though I'm "only" a director, get asked to join dozens of committees. People are envious, the envy becomes jealousy, and the jealousy becomes anger.
I'm doing my best to let it roll off my back. Yes, I probably am favored. But darnit, I don't see anyone else there at the hospital at 8pm at night or on Saturday afternoons. Everything I have, I've earned. I hate it when people want to snap their fingers and want to be granted the same benefits you are, just because they want to nit-pick at something.
The HR rep let if fly and told me everything everyone's been saying, just so I can be on guard. I choked back the emotions until I left the campus and had 15 minutes in my car traveling to the other campus. It's fine, I'm glad she told me (it just confirmed my suspicions). However, it also confirmed my other suspicion, that I have to work THREE times as hard as everyone else, just to "earn" my way. I have to give a 100% extra percent because I'm a young woman and another 100% above that because people think I've been GIVEN this job without having earned it. It sucks.
The HR rep let if fly and told me everything everyone's been saying, just so I can be on guard. I choked back the emotions until I left the campus and had 15 minutes in my car traveling to the other campus. It's fine, I'm glad she told me (it just confirmed my suspicions). However, it also confirmed my other suspicion, that I have to work THREE times as hard as everyone else, just to "earn" my way. I have to give a 100% extra percent because I'm a young woman and another 100% above that because people think I've been GIVEN this job without having earned it. It sucks.
I somehow steered through my afternoon meeting schedule, ignoring the fact that my house is now most likely back on the market, some of my trusted colleagues are judging me harshly, and that Jack and I are in complete limbo about the state of our future.
It's great. Really. Now, where is that phone number to the hut on the outer banks of that island in the Bahamas?
awww, sweetie - i'm so sorry! what a frustrating, awful 24 hours for you! it's hard enough to think that your house is sold and have that potentially fall through, but to then hear people who are jealous of your accomplishments and talent belittle you is crazy. you have worked so incredibly hard for what you have, and i admire you so much for your dedication, ambition, and kindness. i know it's not easy to let things like this roll off your back - understandably, i'm sure it hurts your feelings and your pride to hear such negativity. i KNOW, though, that you are so strong, and you deserve nothing but positivity! i am keeping my fingers crossed for you that you have an amazing day tomorrow, the sale goes through without any issues, and others begin to realize what an incredible asset you are to the organization. anytime you want to vent, just shoot me an e-mail, text, or call!
ReplyDeletelove,
kassie (& jim)
oh wow. I haven't posted for a while but knew I couldn't let this go by without saying something to help lift your spirits. You can just hear the pain eeking out of your words today.
ReplyDeleteI echo Kassie's statements above, you are strong and you will get through this.
I hope you are in bed, sound sleep, not worrying about this horrible situation. It's easy for us to say that it's no big deal but you're living in the middle of it. You're the one who alwyas has everything together and coordinated. You will have everything under control again soon.
if not, hey, Jose Cuervo is a good friend to have!!!!