Tick Tok, Tick Tok

I'm telling you, I can do *anything* to procrastinate. So far, in order to avoid working on my paper, I:

-Went grocery shopping (just ask anybody, I HATE grocery shopping).
-Talked to my neighbor about our landscaping dreams (we are in paired villas and want to do neat and cool things like mirror our landscaping).
-Answered some work emails.
-Cleaned out the refrigerator.
-Started laundry.
-Cut up a cantaloupe that I wasn't hungry for yet.
-Answered more work emails. One of the managers I "sort of" manage (she has a dotted line to me) announced her resignation today. Figure out how to cover two campuses' inpatient dialysis units? Sure! Why not? It's a loss for the hospital because she knew *a lot* about dialysis...but she has a lot of children who need her at home. So it's probably for the better.
-Drug out my mondo suitcase to begin packing for a week in sultry, humid Alabama for FEMA camp. Yes, FEMA camp. This is where I will learn how to run a hospital in crisis...I was thinking of postponing it (so I can continue not writing my ethics paper), but then Joplin, Missouri happened and, well, we should all know how to function in crisis. And it's free; the federal government picks up all costs. YOUR tax dollars at work! Plus, I get to hang out on a military base for a week and that's just cool. It's the closest this quasi-diva is getting to the military!

Okay, I'm getting back to work. I mean it this time! Really! Stop shaking your head!!

***Aren't these cantaloupe sandals cute? They would last, what, 30 seconds in 90 degree heat?

Quick Trip

So even though Jack and I have a quickie vacation planned soon, I get to try out my quart-sized bag of toiletries this week.

It seems as though we're due for some snow. And some wind.

You know that warm, cuddly feeling you have when you pull up in your driveway, unpack all your groceries, and know you could hunker down and happily ride out whatever storm Mother Nature throws at you? There are times when I would purposefully ask for more snow so I could stay home. What's the harm in a snow day once a year to rekindle the ol' batteries?

But because of my role in hospital leadership, I now get to forsake my bed, blankets, hot chocolate, and Bailey's. I get to stay at work! Throughout the whole storm! As part of Incident Command, I have been assigned to Logistics for one entire campus. While this is cool (and mostly scary), I'm not completely thrilled about the idea of camping out in the hospital for 36 hours.

Teamwork? Sure!

Setting up a cot in my office (and I'm not even kidding) to catch some shut-eye...not so much.

What a weird week.

And I thought I was going to be rested for vacation! Guess not.

Well, someone please enjoy some blankets, couch time, hot cocoa, and Bailey's for me!

Reality Hits...Oh Deer

As I gaze out the window, all I see is rain, gray skies, and bare trees. Yup, I'm back in the Midwest.

While I'm super, super grateful that I'm blessed in the vacation realm, it's often very difficult to return. I *just* started relaxing and it was time to board the plane home. Upon arriving back home, I dove back into work for several hours, visited Jack's mom for dinner, then loaded my car with my weekly essentials: food, clean laundry, new tunes for the road, and a charged Blackberry.

I hit the road to my Chicagoland house. I was behaving well...no texting, no channel surfing, nothing. BAM! Ten minutes into my roadtrip, a large buck, complete with antlers, smashed into my driver's side fender/door/window, literally scaring me half to death. I flew into a hysterical fit of fear, immediately calling Jack to come help me because "I was in a wreck!"

He thought I said, "I broke my neck!"

So four minutes later, when Jack's car screeched to a halt next to me, he expected to find me bloodied and near death. At least that wasn't the case. While I was shaking beyond belief, I wasn't injured. The emotional and psychological scarring will far outlast the physical soreness I feel from the impact. The buck came out of nowhere, completely blindsided me, and really made me fear driving down darkened streets during mating season. [Shiver!]

The officer who quickly rescued me assured me I was lucky. He said that at the angle at which the buck hit, I was lucky his antlers didn't break through my door's glass! Can you imagine a huge buck's head, mere inches from your face when you're driving 45 m.p.h.? That's nightmare fodder! [Double Shiver!]

Regardless, it was not a pretty scene. The buck heavily smashed into the front fender, leaving half its fur behind. Then it sort of rolled over the door, scratching and denting everything in its path, before it finally flipped over the car (even scratching the roof and sunroof). It might have died; I don't even care. I'm not a venison connoisseur.

Thank GOODNESS for Jack. After learning that my neck was decidedly not broken, he sprang into action, helping me with all the police documentation. He took care of the insurance paperwork. He even gave me his car, took my wrecked car to the dealership for estimates, and obtained a borrowed car. This deer's escapades will cost nearly ten thousand dollars and two weeks in the shop. Sigh.

What a way to end vacation!

R.I.P. Old Laptop

As I sit here, sipping my hot chocolate and trying to ignore my raging sore throat, I'm typing on a brand new laptop. It's pretty. It weighs almost nothing. It's fast. It's...white and chrome.

Is it weird when your computer sort of matches your refrigerator?

Oh well!

I've known my laptop was limping along, wavering between life and death. Jack has had to recover data a couple times now and we knew it was just a matter of time before it went to the repair shop in the sky (even though I just bought that laptop in early 2007). Regardless, we had no idea it would die while I was working on two huge projects for work. We had no idea it would die while I was walking to the other room to back up my work and email the files to everyone. I'm chalking it up to the fact that I was working on a Sunday and I should have been keeping the Sabbath holy!

When Jack couldn't resuscitate it, he ripped the harddrive out of the old laptop, and we jumped in the car to Best Buy. The Geek Squad wanted $100 to transfer data and Jack thought he could figure it out. So I bought the refrigerator laptop and Jack headed to his office to attempt the impossible. He called an hour later, voice full of glee, that he was able to save everything!

So my presentations, reports, and flowcharts were safe. Not to mention my seven vacations' worth of pictures and 2.5 years' worth of music files! Yes, yes, I know. I should have been backing up my files. I DO back up my work, but my external drive just notified me the other day that it was FULL. So even though I usually back up my work, it still bit me in the rear today!

The only crappy thing is that my immune system formally cried, "Uncle!" and I'm sick. My throat's on fire and I'm feeling feverish, but at least I have homemade chicken soup that I brought back to Chicagoland with me. I'm fighting a pretty sizable homesickness tonight, as Jack and I winterized our house this weekend. We put all the patio furniture away, recaulked and weatherstripped a few things, and I got all the autumn decorations out. So just as I got the house feeling all homey and cozy, I packed up and left. I keep reminding myself that I'm doing this to achieve my dreams. But it never gets any easier.

Nightmare Fodder

So this evening, I finally washed the dishes that shamelessly accumulated in my kitchen sink. It was time. Minding my own business, enjoying the awesome breeze that filters in through my kitchen window, I scrubbed and rinsed, scrubbed and rinsed, scrubbed and...WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

I lifted a mug and out scurried a huge creature I couldn't identify! It was a bug, but a HUGE one. Something like a silverfish crossed with a centipede mated with a prehistoric, well, dinosaur bug. Being the girl I am, I screamed and tried to soap it to death. Not deterred by my suds, I squirted Purell in its general direction. That slowed him down a bit, giving me time to dash to the bathroom and grab the hairspray. I cornered him (significantly hampered by the antibacterial blast) and hairsprayed him to the counter. He was gross. He had antennae and beady eyes. And, like, a horn. Yeah, a horn. The fodder of nightmares!

Of course, I didn't have any actual bug killer on hand, so after the hairspray dried and preserved my intruder for eternity, I whisked him off down the drain...and then ran the disposal...for 5 whole minutes.

I felt quite accomplished, that I killed The Bug all by myself. However, I don't think ladies should have to ever kill bugs. That's why we get married, right? It was precisely at this "buggy" moment that I severely missed Jack and his bug-killing capacities. He always kills the bugs at home (unless it's a big, furry bee, then he's shrieking alongside me). Don't even get me started about the one mouse who got in our house. Mickey got his foot caught in the trap and banged himself up against the cupboard door for a half hour before he finally met his Maker. Jack took care of that situation and I wish he was here to protect me from All Other Bugs. Because now, each time I see anything move or a piece of lint catches my eye, I'm convinced The Bug is back from the beyond.

Quote Journal: Moment-to-Moment

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."

-Soren Kierkegaard

This quote strikes me today because I don't know what the future is going to bring. I don't have a crystal ball. I have to keep trudging (ahem, I mean, swimming) forward and not worry about interpreting the journey. Hindsight might be 20/20, but there is a lot of courage to be had (and made) in my decision to take this journey step-by-step. Even moment-to-moment.

Everything is starting to really hit me now. Jack and I attended my pomp and circumstantial hooding ceremony, I polished my last two presentations for school, and we picked out a mattress for my new house. I talked to the woman from whom I'm renting the house and solidified my move-in date as May 27. We're making lists of the things I need to pack and the things I still need to buy. The next few days will be a blur of finals in school, the tying up of loose ends at work, and preparing for a much-needed vacation. As soon as vacay is over, I must travel for work and dive back into deep, heady meetings. Then I begin my two-time zone existence. I feel as though I'm truly running out of hours and this transition is going to charge ahead, whether I'm ready or not. I'm scared.

Okay, I need help. Anyone have a good pep talk to share?

You Don't Know What You Don't Know

I had a humbling experience this morning. I logged into the ACHE (American College of Healthcare Executives) website to update some of my personal info and to look up a couple of the speakers at the Notre Dame Bioethics conference next month. I stumbled across a CEO and President about whom I've heard rave reviews. In addition to successfully running a large metropolitan hospital system, this guy is a professional writer. An amazing writer. I lurked around his site and immediately realized how much I don't know about hospital administration, medicine, and life in general.

So it's true: the more educated you become, the more you realize how little you know.

I bookmarked this website and hope to visit often. I also wonder how many hours this guy has in a day; it would seem that running a hospital system would occupy most of one's waking hours! He discusses clinical stories, clinical failures, quality control and assurance programs, JCAHO safety regulations, and bioethics, areas in which I need to cultivate some background knowledge.

The divide between my coursework and "real life" experience is massive. A high GPA does not automatically mean I will be a successful administrator. In light of spring training, I compare this to baseball. I might be a great performer at the collegiate level, but how will I perform in the farm leagues, let alone in the big leagues? The next level involves a huge increase in hard work, persistence, and determination. I think there is another, rather immeasurable, notion of transitional strength; a person must be able to "step it up" when circumstances demand. I hope my skills and talents translate to success in the 'big leagues.'

I have so much to learn, if only that I've realized how much I don’t even know I need to know!