Creeve, the Mob, and Ricotta

I know it's Christmas Eve, but I have one last work-related story to share with you. I woke up this peaceful, non-working Christmas Eve morning with a head full of to-do lists, curiosity about the deer hoof prints next to my big picture window (peeping deer?), ideas on how to align with healthcare reform policy, a general worry about the snow weather heading our way, and a subliminal guilt for not having worked out in about two weeks and eating everything in sight.

Oh, and a headache, because I had a shot of tequila last night. Ugh. I am so not 21 anymore. Not that I did tequila shots when I was 21...but it seemed to fit with our "Christmas Vacation" motif last night. This is our new tradition on "Creeve" (which is Christmas Eve Eve), a holiday that we learned about from friends. We were going to attend a party in Lafayette, Indiana and don our silver sauna suits, but the day just killed me (plus, we have to travel for Christmas) and a tequila shot and a movie was far more apropos.

ANYWAY, I've been fighting my way through work this week. My energy level has been nil lately and the natives have been restless at work. The orthopedic surgeons have been causing a ruckus with referral patterns and one surgeon insists on calling me with a 45 minute discourse each time he learns about a workers' comp case that escapes his grasp. We have five other surgeons to feed and it's just crazy. I wasn't the administrator on call, but the admin who was on call asked me to handle it. Just how does one tame a hungry orthopod?

Then, remember that employee who tried to file an EEOC charge against me when I suspended her from work last week? She's been...problematic. I won't talk about the specifics, but I spent probably four hours yesterday documenting the case, speaking with our attorney, and speaking with Risk Management. I discovered that I have grounds on which I need to terminate her employment. I spoke with Nurse Jackie (who offers her final stamp on such matters) and we actually discussed the employee's lineage and discerned whether she's "connected."

That is the absolute first time in my existence on this earth, that I had to trace someone's lineage to make sure they weren't connected to the mob.

While we laughed about it, fueled by sugar and full tummies from the department potluck, I know there is a seed of truth in every joke.

YIKES!

So that's what's going on here. And I'm just about ready for Christmas. If I can let a few more things go and ignore my to-do list, I might just have a peaceful Christmas after all! Every year for my entire life, I've gone to Christmas Eve mass with my family and then attended my dad's family's fancy Christmas party on the Eve. This year, it'll be Jack and me, relaxing during the day today and attending our brand-new parish's Midnight mass alone.

It will be quite strange to vary from our traditions...but now that set down some roots in Chicagoland, it's time to develop our own traditions. Different doesn't mean bad. For one, we're having fish (salmon) on Christmas Eve. We've been eating a lot of fresh, homemade Italian pasta (as a gift from my secretary who makes a side business out of it). And I found myself preferring rocotta cheese and biscotti as snacks. Ah, the discoveries of great food! OH, and please don't tell my 100% Polish family that we're starting to adopt Italian traditions!

It's still Christmas, and a joyful one at that! We're very blessed.

Merry Christmas!

Are You Kidding Me?

Today I had to reprimand a professional nurse for coming to work with flourescent pink hair.

Pink hair?

REALLY?!

Did you really think I wasn't going to say anything?!!?

Fodder for Future Chides

I think I've mentioned here before, that my "real" job of managing occupies about 25% of my time at work. The rest of my time is divided into project development, the creation of service lines, the revamping of service lines, etc. In short, if it, in any way, shape, or form, pertains to hospital operations, I'm invited to participate.

Or in some cases, asked to figure out the whole thing and report back when I'm finished!

That was the case when my boss asked me to visit an osteoporosis clinic, determine if it meets our patient population's needs for a niche market, then if so, develop the clinic and all its facets. I started this process on Friday and it's been percolating in the back of my brain for the past two days, as I mull over the different parts and directions we could take.

It came to a head last night, when I accidentally stole Jack's pillows while asleep. He woke up and wandered around the bedroom, looking for all his pillows. I had all of them safe within my dramatic embrace and evidently protested when he took them back...apparently, I needed them for my clinic's formation!

I can see many years of chiding from this one...akin to his finch dream years ago. It was funny! About six years ago, he startled me by jolting straight up out of bed, grabbed a pillow (what is with us and hoarding pillows?), and stormed out of the bedroom. Thinking he was sick or dying or crazy, I quickly followed him to see where he was sleepwalking to. I found him in the kitchen, where he was standing, holding the pillow to his neck. I flipped on the light and asked him what was the matter.

He said, "A bird flew into my neck and I'm trying to stop the bleeding!

I'm thinking it was a pterodactyl or huge eagle! I asked him what kind of bird it was.

He said, "It was a finch!"

He started to wake up when I couldn't stop the hysterics from overtaking me. That dream quickly became the stuff of family legend! Nearly all our family members have, at one time or another, bought him a finch or pretended to hit his neck with a finch. And now, I probably have my own "finch" story...

"Where are all the pillows?"

"Dorrie stole them all...she must want to start a new clinic!"

I tell you, I DESPERATELY need the four day weekend I have coming up (Dec 24-27). I refuse to work and do not plan to get dressed except for Christmas mass and maybe Christmas Day (still negotiable...flannel pants are completely acceptable in our Christmas celebrations).

I'm scurrying to finish my Christmas preparations today and hope your Christmas prep is complete so you can begin enjoying the holidays!

Magic Bullet

So I received one of these at work this week:


It was a total surprise and it hit on a terrible day. Remember those EEOC and grievance charges I had to defend? Turns out those affect me nearly as much as the employees. I *felt* cool and collected, but apparently, I was festering about this. Both were over by Thursday afternoon, when this delightful treat arrived.

Have you ever had an Edible Arrangement? Fresh fruit is usually good. However, chocolate-covered fresh fruit is on another level. I discovered that chocolate-covered strawberries (both dark chocolate and white chocolate) cure most evils in the world. In fact, they certainly cured my evils this week and I told Jack that if I ever become an absolute bear, just bribe me with choco strawberries. I'll chill right out!

Digging Out

Hey faithful blog readers!

How are you today? Are you all prepared for Christmas? In one word, I am NOT. But that's a story for another day.

The big news is that we moved into our house. We're official. However, I keep walking around it, feeling tremendously blessed. I'm not sure how we ended up with a house like this and on moving day, I kept thinking someone was going to run up and tell us there'd been a huge mistake and we needed to pack up and ship out! Alas, no such thing has happened yet. But we are blessed to have this house.

Moving day brought us freezing rain and temps hovering around 32 degrees. The day after moving day, where we had to go finish up at the rental house, brought us an epic blizzard, into which my mom and I ventured to go buy Christmas lights. Priorities, people!

We're nearly unpacked and my poor hands are dry, cracked, and terrible. You can only wash your hands 29 times a day for so long and use harsh cleaning products before your hands just fall apart. We did a highly illegal dumpster run on Monday night, just to have a security truck chase us through the subdivision. Jack lost him, though, so we weren't arrested. What a stupid offense! Next time, we'll just wait for trash pick-up day (or drive a faster car on roads that aren't ice-covered!)

The other big news, work wise, is that I have my first grievance and EEOC charges. In my role, I have increasingly become the "ball buster" (pardon my french) and I am being asked to shake up departments that haven't had any discipline in 20 years. It takes about a year to fire someone, when you go through the proper steps of progressive corrective action. And I had my first two bad firings last week…one for a glaring violation and one for 3,920 little infractions that added up to a massive impact on a department. The EEOC charge will most likely be dropped. The grievance, well, I've already spent something like six hours documenting everything and I'm not done yet. But that's what happens when employees are left to their own devices for 20+ years and then you suddenly come in with rules and hold them to the rules…they file charges against you because they cannot handle accountability.

But me? I cannot handle complacency or low performing staff. If you're going to come to work with a crappy attitude and "forget" to do core facets of your work, well, you will be on your way out.

In short, this administrator gig is NOT easy. In fact, I'm exhausted and my stomach is producing way more acid than what is considered healthy. Or normal. Even for a goat that eats tin cans. Holiday preparations, employee recognition dinners, and other Christmas parties are happening all around me and I'm too busy to take much notice...it stinks. My wonderful co-workers threw me not one, but two parties (one at each campus) for my birthday. I had two of everything and they TP'd my office door. That corny stuff makes me feel loved and appreciated for my insane hours.

The other interesting thing that happened to me last night, as Nurse Jackie and I were dashing across the street from the physician office building to the hospital, a medical helicopter landed on the hospital with what we suspect was a highway trauma patient. I had my EEOC paperwork clutched tightly in my portfolio; good thing, because the landing helicopter threw us back on the pavement with the force in which it landed. Plus, it scattered trillions of microscopic snowflakes and burned our eyes while blowing my hair irreparably out of place. It was a moment from M*A*S*H* and I felt proud that I withstood the airy blast from a helicopter without actually falling out or scattering my confidential paperwork all over southern Chicago.

Whew!

So that's what's been going on here…still working crazy hours, firing people, and unpacking. I think I still love my life, but I will let you know for certain when I catch up on my sleep and can tell left from right!

Joke Journal: Meth

Quote Journal: Risk

It's a nutty week for Jack and me (even nuttier than usual, when you factor in several evening meetings, Jack's final exam, a Holy Day, and a household in shambles), so I leave you with this tidbit to ponder:


"Risk is the price you pay for opportunity."

---Tom Selleck's character on Blue Bloods


I have no idea what the show Blue Bloods is about or who Tom Selleck plays, but I love this quote. You cannot expect great opportunities or chances to come your way without putting yourself out there. It also follows that, without risk, there are no great rewards.

It's a MAJOR Award!

Happy St. Nick Day!

I hope you all put your stocking out last night and had St. Nick fill it with little candy and sundry items! I made sure St. Nick Day was on, well, St. Nick's Outlook calendar last week! :)

PS, Isn't this hysterical? A Leg Lamp stocking? I'm tempted to buy it, just for its conversational value!

Mouse Capades

Well, I didn't cuddle up in my nest of feathers and watch movies all day on Saturday like I was planning (although, we did watch a few episodes of Boardwalk Empire). Instead, we packed up the rest of our stuff in preparation for the big move. I swear, I am never moving again. For all practical purposes, I have moved three times in the past year and a half. Once from SB to Chicagoland (when I initially moved), then we moved a bunch of stuff when the house went on the market in spring, then we moved everything else from SB to Chicagoland this summer. And now, we have an apartment and a storage unit to move into the house. Sigh. If anyone asks, just bury me in the back yard of the new house, 'cuz I ain't movin' again!

I'm a bit nervous to get our stuff out of storage. While it has only been in there for six months, you hear horror stories of mouse or roach infestations. In planning the move, my mom and I inherited the task of sorting through fresh-from-the-storage-unit boxes. Oh, and would I mind opening them all to make sure Mickey and Minnie weren't stowing a ride to a nice, new abode? Forget the Ice Capades, we're talking Mouse Capades!

Hmm. How did the ladies end up with this task? Don't even ask me what I'm going to do if I find a mouse in a box of theology books from school! I think I'd rather be solely responsible for the physical transportation of a 1,000 pound, solid wood hutch!!!

This feels like the final step in our movement toward peace and organization. I took a couple days off from work after the move, so I can take time organizing everything just so. I am going to map out the kitchen and based on daily utilization rates of our china, flatware, stemware, and coffee paraphernalia, stock the cabinets accordingly. The cupboards go nearly to the ceiling (requiring a step ladder) and this accessibility proves challenging to my Lean set-up of the kitchen. Yes, I know, there is no shame in therapy!

The trick this week will be maintaining a shred of sanity while my house is in complete disarray and my schedule is as full as ever. At least the week should go quickly!

Illusion of Control

It's been one heck of a week...between the late evenings and the two physician dinners I had this week, I cannot wait to camp out in my bed on a snowy day tomorrow and watch movies. To me, there are few things more relaxing than snuggling up in my nest of feathers (we have a down comforter and a feather bed) and watching movies. I finished several big responsibilities this week, including a massive audit of the annual mandatory education completion rates by my entire staff and the last 13 of the annual evaluations. Talk about a monkey off my back!

So on Monday night (after running around like a nut all day), I drove up to OakBrook to woo a new primary care physician. It was a good dinner, but I must rave about Maggiano's an upper-class Italian chain of restaurants. I usually hate chain restaurants, but I had a salmon dish that was just awe-inspiring. Check that place out if you get the opportunity. Tonight, I accompanied the Wound Clinic and physician staff to Coopershawk. I've raved about Coopershawk before...go there, too, if you ever get the chance!

I had several HR and irate physician issues this week (long story) so among all the stress, I somehow completed a fair amount of work on one of my Muppet Corporate committees, Patient Flow. Locally, at St. Fozzie's, this touches on patient throughput through the hospital. It provides us a lot of opportunities for process improvement. I also spoke at the Leader Forum, the monthly meeting at which all hospital management is present. While most people dread public speaking, I am finding that I thrive on it. It gives me a high. Isn't that weird?

For the first time since I've started in this position, I feel as though I have the illusion of control. I finally fully understand what occurs in my own departments and in the services we offer. I am working with the managers to construct business plans so we can enhance and evolve their services to align with the strategic plan. I finally feel, despite the long hours, that I'm settling in.

So cue the conversation I had with Nurse Jackie yesterday, that they are considering changing my job description. I have no idea what this means or where I'm going...just that, when I finally feel like things are settling down (work wise!), I'll get to mix it up again and start over!

A quick house update...it appears that we are still on track for a December 11 move. This is good news. It feels like forever since we bought that house and Jack and I are just ready to move already! Bring it on! I'm anxious to put up that Christmas tree and get settled in my new home!