Caption Needed

What would you write about this picture if you captured it on the highway? :)

Almost Missed the Deal

There is a very neat program running in the south suburbs of Chicago...it's called Uncle Mary's. It's an amazing network of community health centers that offer healthcare, dental care, prenatal care, and even parenting classes and behavioral therapy to the self-pay population in the area. South suburban Chicago has so many social, economical, and political challenges and it's an area that requires almost infinite time and resources from neighboring hospitals. Uncle Mary's made a business out of this population and treats them without requiring payment. Of course, Uncle Mary's was recently deemed a federally qualified healthcare center, so now they get more in reimbursement from the government then we do!

St. Fozzie's had loose connections with this network for years and today, we firmed up the deal. Well, I sat and watched while our CNO and CFO hashed out the details with Uncle Mary's CEO! I deeply enjoy watching peoples' mannerisms, body language, and the way they use their hands to convey a point. I watched this for a while until I realized they were getting something accomplished at this meeting.

It sometimes baffles me that key strategic conversations can take place on a golf course or over a cocktail...especially because this conversation actually took place in the boardroom! Anyway, it's a very neat joint venture, one where St. Fozzie's will lease unused office space in the hospitals to Uncle Mary's. Uncle Mary's will then be able to treat the poorest of the poor without it harming St. Fozzie's bottom line. This seems counter-intuitive, but without a margin, there's no mission.

I quickly volunteered to help the consolidation and boom, just like that, we're in business together. I almost missed the agreement because I was so busy watching peoples' body language!

Note to self: PAY ATTENTION! Whoops. At least I wasn't watching traffic go by!

Quote Journal: Trailblazing

"Blaze new trails. Don't rest on others' laurels...and make your life and work adventurous!"

-Kevin Freiberg, SouthWest Airlines

I like these two quotes (that I linked together for your inspirational prowess). I'm trying to change my own 'tude and instead of thinking about what I must do, thinking about what I get to do.

That reminds me...I briefly freaked out this morning when the secretary burst into the CNO's office (who is next door to my office), telling her that Dr. Phil was holding on the phone. I'm thinking, "Dr. Phil?! Holy cow! Fozzie Heights is about to get some nationwide coverage!"

Too bad it was just one of the internists! Drat!

Living the Dream

I'm happy to report that my first solo trip downtown was a huge success. Usually there's a gang from St. Fozzie's going such events…but not today. I was the sole representative. I was vaguely worried about oversleeping, being late, and of course, someone throwing themselves in front of the train. Alas, all went as planned.

The event I attended was through CHEF (Chicago Health Executives Forum) and the topics revolved around customer service in healthcare. It was on North Michigan, right across from the Drake Hotel. Me, being 50% thrifty and 50% exercise junkie, figured I would walk from the train. I brought my sneakers and slipped into them as the train pulled into Millenium Station. I walked that whole way, savoring the early morning "quiet" of the city. Lots of people jog the city streets before the pedestrian traffic infiltrates and I kept thinking how cool it would be to do my morning jog on Michigan Avenue. Who am I kidding, I'd still be in bed at that hour! I did slip back into my pumps before I arrived, but I amazed myself by not caring how I looked. Function over fashion. Just this once!

Anyway, the event was amazing and the subject matter extremely relevant. After listening to two wonderful speakers, we broke out into discussion groups to focus on particular issues pertaining to customer service in healthcare. I joined a table and immediately recognized a woman I worked with at Muppet Corporate (she worked for our largest contracted vendor). Then I met another administrative fellow who's doing her tenure at Northwestern. She has two friends who are fellows at University of Chicago. I told her we should set up an informal network of young hospital administrators and she readily agreed. Plus, it would be very neat to hop a train in Fozzie Fields and meet these new friends downtown for cocktails in the Loop. As I've already discovered, most of the executive "stuff" is all about relationships.

After the event, I struck up a conversation with a woman from Rush who also holds a degree in theology. We had a lively chat about Catholic healthcare and the unique challenges facing hospitals as they try to hire employees who espouse the hospitals' mission and values. We parted ways in front of the Sears Tower and as I walked back to Millenium, I realized I had become one of "them." I fit in. I knew the password and the secret handshake.

Even if it's fleeting and goes away tomorrow, today I was a completely confident woman who spoke her mind, introduced herself to 30 strangers who are professionals in their fields, and wasn't going to take crap from anyone. I may have been inspired by the dynamic conference in the fancy high-rise overlooking Lake Michigan…or maybe I inhaled too much asphalt from the nearby road construction. Whatever the case, it was a great feeling and a terrific experience.

Suicidal Planning in Chicago

It's a quiet week in Administration…well, it *is* only Monday evening. My EVOO boss is on vacation, Sister Loudes is playing with her sisters downtown at Navy Pier, and even the second secretary is out on extended jury duty. My boss took off for the other campus so it was just me and the CFO, Cookie Monster. He still had a pile of cookies in his office when I strolled by. Why is it that I cannot stop fantacizing about the cd-sized cookies that are only mere footsteps away? I think I have OCD…Obsessive Cookie Disorder. Hey, the first step is realizing I have a problem!

So I seized the day to catch up on my filing, my emails, and my office chatter. It took me two full hours to file and organize three weeks' worth of crap and meeting notes.

I chatted with a couple managers about my morning plans. I am going downtown tomorrow for a conference and I'm nervous about having to traverse rush hour traffic into Chicago. There is so much construction in and around downtown; it might add hours to my travel time. So I asked them both what they thought about driving vs. taking the train. They both agreed that trains are usually faster (and less harried for the commuter) IF the train doesn't hit anybody!

Of course, my next question was, "And just how often do trains hit people? Is this a normal occurrence?"

"Almost daily," they said. Apparently, it's pretty normal.

Perfect! So I'm going to take a train into Chicago and could be late because someone's committing suicide by tying themselves to the tracks. Or jumping in front of the oncoming train. I guess it wouldn't be committing suicide, though, it would be COMMUTING SUICIDE!

I just don't get it…why would you commute suicide by tying yourself to the tracks? Isn't that straight out of a black and white film from the '30's? Haven't people gotten any more creative over the last 80 years with suicidal techniques?! What's next, delays on the Tri-State tollway because of tarring and feathering (you could rename it the Tar-State Tarway)? Or is there a hanging scheduled at O'Hare (you could rename the airport O'Hang)?

I'm just hoping for a non-eventful trip downtown. It's my first solo trip...details to come!

For Old Hags

Yes, I'm young and a newbie on the hospital administration scene. You all know I am having trouble with credibility, just because I'm a woman AND a young one, at that, in a 55+ man's world. I hold myself up straight, speak as coherently as possible, and try to project authentic confidence. Yet when I tell people I've been married for 8 years, they tell me it's not possible and there's no way I'm over 24. 24? Really?

In regard to looks, I already wear classier-styled suits (opposed to the trendy, low-cut variety from Express or Limited), and I cut my hair to a shorter bob. What else should I do? Start smoking? Drink a lot of coffee and red wine to stain my teeth? Spend more time in the sun? Get my hair stylist to put gray streaks in my hair?

I asked my secretary how old she thought I was…she said 24.

Dangit!

So then I asked her if she had any feedback on how I could look older (I know, I know, I shouldn't be sweating this…but I am!). She said she's consult her Glamour or Cosmo magazines and read all about how young women in the corporate world can look older! She was kidding. Maybe there's an injection that will add wrinkles to your face? She told me that yes, it's a physical appearance thing (that I just LOOK young…it might be the freckles), but she also thinks it's a state-of-being. She called me playful and optimistic and cheerful, all of which can be interpreted as young.

That made me feel better…I can hack being a playful and optimistic executive. However, I wonder how much of my credibility is tied to my appearance and the perception I'm even younger than I really am. This is such a weird problem to have…does anyone have any ideas for me? Can I get plastic surgery to look older?!

Cookie Distributor

I had a sugar-laden, exciting day the other day! After 5 straight hours in meetings in the morning (the last of which was how to dispel a HIPAA violation that occurred on Facebook), I joined up with the Cookie Patrol.

Because St. Fozzie's patient satisfaction scores continue to increase and we want to help bolster this employee morale, administration hit the hallways and units today. We're visiting each employee on each shift, giving them hand-signed thank you cards from senior leadership and HUGE cd-sized wonderful chocolate chunk cookies. They're good cookies. Trust me, I KNOW my cookies.

Everyone was so appreciative and it always astounds me just how amazed employees are when they see administrators out there serving others. Obviously, it needs to happen more often. Administration gets this bad wrap for not being transparent…so this Cookie Patrol is proving to be a huge success.

However, the CCO (Chief Cookie Operator) told us it would only take a half hour to deliver our 'share' of the cookies to the various floors and departments. Two and a half hours later, I limped back to my office as I did not wear my sensible shoes! I purposely wore my cutest heels, knowing I would probably be sitting in the board room for a good part of the day. That was before I remembered Cookie Patrol! I felt like Monica on that episode of Friends, where she bought the killer boots and made Chandler carry her home! I already had rows of blisters on the tops of my toes from those shoes. AND, that was before second shift. I still had to visit the same departments on second shift. Gratefully, they assigned me all the first floor departments so I could hit everyone in one fell-swoop.

It was okay, though, because I teamed up with the CFO. He's this very poised and smart, yet very introverted guy. He stuffed his suit pockets with extra cookies until they bulged out at his sides. Anyone who saw him laughed and he's already being referred to as the Cookie Monster. They tried to call me that, too, but I changed it to Cookie Distributor!

Budget Bootcamp

I'm having such a good time in Budget Bootcamp! After completing the administrative budget, I've been attending other departments' budget approval meetings to "fill in the gaps." I 'get' the main premise behind the balance statements, but I'm going to ask my almost-CPA pal, Kassie, for some help in understanding EBITDA. I know it's "earnings before interest, taxes, depreciation, and amortization," but I don't know what it means. I know you want a positive EBITDA, because that means you have a positive cash flow…but when is the positive cash flow adequate? When is it lacking? How do you decide what the optimal ratio is? And when are you going to tell me to just be quiet and move onto something that won't lull you into an immediate comatose state?!

[Kassie, will you explain this to me, off-line?]

Anyway, I'm sitting in on all these budget meetings and I really feel my knowledge base growing. I'm trying to anticipate the questions and not let my mind wonder too much. It's unfortunate that the finance conference room overlooks the highway, so there's always a lot to watch.

ADD is never a problem. No thanks, I'm happy with Sprint as my long-distance provider!

No-Go on the Mozzerella

As part of my fellowship, I have a "backstage pass" to the hospital scene. Out of, oh, 2,748 meetings these past three months, I've only been told I couldn't attend two of them. This is okay with me. Of the 2,746 meetings that ARE open to me, I hit as many as I can. As much as I want to participate and stretch my vocal chords, I also need to sit back and absorb as much as I can.

One of the best ways to absorb hospital policies, politics, and procedures is to join the Medical Staff meetings. Dorothy, one of my esteemed co-workers manages the Medical Staff Office and I have nothing but respect for her. She coordinates a LOT of paperwork to get the docs their credentials and privileges in the medical staff. She put me on the invite list for all the MS meetings.

I attended the OB department meeting the other night, which was at a schnazzy restaurant downtown. They served filet, salmon, and shrimp, as entrees in a five course meal. We have the actual meeting during the eating and usually, a drug rep will come in a do a quick talk about their product (as they underwrite the meal). Well, this time, the drug rep sat off to the side and a renown perinatalogist talked about his trademarked procedure on how to stop preterm labor in high risk women with multiple fetuses. There were pictures and very accurate descriptions of clinical situations where these women presented their symptoms.

The doctor launched into a detailed discussion of cervical mucous and how its appearance is indicative of the cervix preparing for labor. It was precisely then that my co-worker (sitting next to me) in Infection Control put down her mozzarella-laden, stuffed mushroom.

It was just gross. Even the clinical people in the room were wondering why this guy was talking about mucous and genital Herpes at the dinner table. Even the docs have limits! Not that the disgusting clinical cases stopped me from polishing off my tiramisu!

All grossness aside, I had a great time. I sat with people I've really only seen in meetings, so it was neat to get to know them better. While it made for a 14-hour day, it was still a worthwhile meeting to attend.

Quote Journal: Life

"Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway!" -Unknown

There's a seed of truth in every joke, a grain of wisdom in every dumb quote I hear across on Chicago radio. Did I tell you the other joke I heard on Chicago radio (it's 103.5 and my favorite thumping, highway-driving station)?

Q: What do you get when you cross a brown chicken with a brown cow?

A: Brown chicken-brown cow! But you say it like "Bow-chica-bow-wow!"