Lazy Day Meme

Well, I worked on Ethics all day yesterday and took today OFF. After church and grocery shopping, Jack and I hauled our lawn chairs outside to enjoy the freakishly warm 77 degree day. We practiced our sloth by sitting out there and watching our boring neighborhood...plus, it was warmer than our entire stay in Florida in February! So because I have a vacation vibe today, I'm takin' it easy. A blogger friend posted this last week and it looked like fun:


1. What were you doing 10 years ago?

Ten years ago, I was finishing college, starting my M.A. in Theology, planning my wedding, working three PT jobs, teaching Religious Education to second graders, and somehow, job searching. It seems like a lifetime ago! We went to Perkins a lot for desserts.

2. Five things on your to do list today:

a.) Process a contract for stat laboratory tests for dialysis patients (yawn).
b.) Restock the wine rack from our company last night. Two friends from work came over and we played a game called "Bananagram." It's a creative Scrabble with fewer rules. Insert a couple bottles of wine and we were laughing until we cried.
c.) Dust the bookcases in the den. I wrote "anarchy" in the dust last weekend and have a new obsession with Swiffer.
d.) Book my plane tickets to Fargo! Time to visit the cutest little Irish babe north of the Arctic Circle (well, not really, but you'd think it was with all the snow those poor folks get).
e.) Remind Jack to file our taxes. It's April 3. Gulp!

3. Five snacks you enjoy:

a.) Fresh strawberries and/or raspberries.
b.) freshly squeezed grapefruit juice (don't ask).
c.) soft peanut butter cookies.
d.) Laffy Taffy
e.) Doritos.

4.) Best movies of all time?

a.) Shawshank Redemption
b.) Top Gun
c.) The Matrix
d.) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
e.) Rudy!

5.) What you would like to be doing in 25 years?

a.) Blogging from our sailboat in the Caribbean...
b.) Sitting poolside at our home on Anna Maria Island, Florida.
c.) Traveling the US on a motivational speaking tour.
d.) Enjoying my man and the life we have built together.
e.) Not worrying about how I look: my hair, my make-up, my weight--none of that crap.

Executive Decision

Well, the five classes I taught are over and, per our evaluations, people liked them! I saw several lightbulbs going off in peoples' heads and it was a rewarding experience. Plus, I now know I can teach a 2-hour class *and* keep everyone awake!

Hey, it's all in the little things, isn't it?!

In other news, I simply must gush about my amazing assistant. She's a go-getter and has never let me down yet. But she WOWed me when I walked into my Fozzie Fields office and she had had it repainted, thoroughly cleaned, my desk was rearranged, a new little conference table was added, AND she had gone down to the ol' painting archives and picked out some paintings that would compliment my existing paintings!

I was very touched that she ordered me matching desk paraphernalia (pencil holder, inbox, etc.) and everything looks so shiny. I hate to admit this, but it makes me want to stay at work longer. I felt so loved that she did that for me, especially during a week where I feel my sanity's hanging by a thread.

This morning, I received my ethics proposal back from one of the uber-ethicists. I had to submit a proposal for my ethics thesis due in June. I picked vaccine ethics, where I argued that it was unethical to mandate Catholic school children to receive vaccines known to be created from aborted fetuses' stem cell lines. It just seemed ironic/oxymoronic. I laid out a solid, logical argument. And my topic was denied by the ethicists, on the grounds that it was "too controversial." Huh? Since when has ethics NOT been controversial? I thought that was the point? So that pissed me off, to my core. I picked a topic that has troubled Catholic parents and about which there is not much academic literature written. I like to push the envelope and extend boundaries.

But I got the smack-down. It's "too controversial."

Well, excuuuuuuuuuuse me!

So then, in a fit of maturity, I googled "what is the most boring topic in Catholic bioethics?" I got 1,670,304 responses. But I am now going to write on how embryonic stem cell research is evil because it violates human dignity. Yes, it's true and formally sanctioned by the Catholic Church. But it's SO boring. Everyone who's remotely Catholic knows embryonic stem cell research is bad. Very bad. Sigh. So much for stretching the philosophical muscles.

Just after I received that news, I had three employees approach me and each one of them broke down into tears. All three cried. Like, they went through an entire box of Kleenex. I'm grateful that everyone feels comfortable coming to me, looking for help and support...but it just exhausts me. I feel like the vacuum cleaner is switched on and they suck all the life out of me. Good thing I did not become a therapist! I'd be done by 11:00 each morning!

After a couple more meetings, I realized I've been giving work my absolute all this week and made an executive decision.

Jack and I have toyed with the idea of getting a housekeeper for years now. Back in the day, when I was in grad school and working and he was working a gazillion hours a week, we teamed up to get the household chores done as quickly as possible. But it never failed; we'd end up spending a whole Saturday cleaning the house when the dust got to be too much for our sinuses. Too frugal for my own good sometimes, I never bit the bullet and got a housekeeper, even when I was living by myself and had a 900 square foot rental house which I only used for sleeping quarters!

But now, Jack is working more than me and my 70-hour weeks. We just don't have time to do the cleaning and I HAVE to have a clean house (the clutter makes me crazy). So while Jack wanted to wait until we were debt-free to hire a housekeeper, I made an executive decision and scheduled two interviews with potential housekeepers!!

I'm starting to feel better already! Now, if only I could figure out a way to write an EXCITING, non-controversial ethics thesis.

Quote Journal: Erma

So when we moved into our new house, Jack and I agreed to create one of those removable wall quotes for our office. After months of deliberating, I think we finally settled on the quote for the wall:


"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything You gave me."

~Erma Bombeck


Cool, eh?

Fire Within

There are so many "buzzwords" in management and leadership these days. Everywhere you go, you hear words like, "synergy" or "hardwire" or "accountability." One of my very favorites is "empowerment," though, because I believe it's true.

If you are able to empower people, you are a true leader.

I aspire to be this type of manager, but it takes practice. I tend to ebb and flow with the level of accountability to which I hold myself and my employees. Lately, I've been ebbing, because I have been very focused on my ethics papers and impending 20-minute oral exam in late April with one of the triple-PhD'd ethicists.

So imagine my surprise when, on Day Two of ACHE, I totally and completely had my internal fire reignited. I attended four sessions on Tuesday and my two favorites were the sessions on Creating Accountability and Empowering Women Leaders.

I was most struck by the woman CEO presenting the Empowerment session. She was in her mid-50's and very polished. She introduced herself as the oldest of several kids, from a conservative Catholic family, and who had much pressure from peers, family, and friends, to have babies and live the traditional female lifestyle (sound familiar?). She alluded to the fact that she could not have children and, instead, pumped her energy and enthusiasm into changing and improving healthcare. Because she helped raise her younger brothers, she "got that childrearing need" over with early in life. What's even funnier is that she told us about her husband who changed careers and was back in school, during the evenings, until recently.

So the presentation was great. She likened the "career ladder" to a labyrinth and suggested that women's career paths are more similar to labyrinths (you get to the center eventually, but you take a lot of twists, turns, hairpin turns, and bypass a lot of blind alleys on your way). I definitely agree; my career path has also resembled a labyrinth. But what struck me most of all was that another woman, from seemingly similar circumstances *was* able to achieve her life's dream of changing healthcare for the better.

It's not about titles, compensation, or even geography. It's about finding your passion, setting goals, and running like the wind. THAT's empowerment.

I left the session with a quiet, serene peacefulness I rarely experience. It suddenly dawned on me that I am exactly where I need to be. I have no idea where I'm headed, which blind alleys are waiting to surprise me, or in which direction my career will head. But I do know that I have nothing to fear.

So I departed the conference and after checking in with Nurse Jackie about some raging physician problems we're having, I met some friends downtown for drinks. We went to Hub 51 and I was especially looking forward to catching up with friends from our trainee days. One is a practice administrator downtown, one's a VP, and one is in a similar role as me. I fight the urge not to compare myself; they are in smaller, less formal organizations. Again, I am where I need to be.

But as our conversation progressed, two new folks joined us. They were both from NYC and despite their professional titles, were rude and cut us off several times. One was auditioning for The Apprentice and the other is trying to start a non-profit bar (yes, you read right). It quickly became a game of one-upping and "look at me" stories and two of us separated from the conversation to catch up without the NYC-induced stress.

As I walked back to the train, in the blustery Chicago wind that cuts through to your soul, I felt bitter and unsettled. They may live in a cutthroat world where you're always climbing on top of people to get ahead. I quickly decided that I will not behave like that. Ever. I'll stick to my own labyrinth and let the cutthroats, well, cut others' throats!

The peace gradually returned. It helped that I caught the correct train back to suburbia!

The rest of the week went well. I taught two classes on Friday and I was really dreading the experience until I was able to draw upon some of that internal fire. I have three more coming up this week, but I know they will go well. If you're quietly confident, people actually believe what you're saying. !!

So that was my week. Again, I like reading old posts to see my progress. I know I will need to remind myself of the igniting experiences of this week.

It's off to work now. Even though it's still cold out for late-March, the sun's out. That's newsworthy in itself!

The *Real* Train

Have you ever had a day where you swear your I.Q. has plummeted without reason and you've caught a case of temporary amnesia?

I had one of those days. I would have forgotten my stupid head if it was not attached! And I'm telling you this, not so you can make fun of me, but so you know I'm not always "yeah, me!" and sometimes suck in the mental department!

For the ACHE Congress, I usually commute via train. I don't mind driving into Chi now, it's just the parking situation that gives me fits. So I left my house at 6 a.m. to catch my train into downtown Chi. I had to pick up my portfolio and register before the 8 a.m. session started. And there are 5,000 people at the conference (all in the black and charcoal suits) and it's rather intimidating to navigate your way around a huge hotel while in a rush, parting a sea of black and gray.

Anyway, I arrived at the train station early. Staying warm in my car, I was fiddling with my phone, checking out peoples' Facebook pictures. I always lose track of time when I do that...then, from out of the foggy pre-dawn, the computerized announcer comes over the PA system to tell passengers that the next westbound train was approaching the station. I gasped, "What?!?" Then I grabbed my bags, locked my car, and ran to the train station. Everyone else was sauntering in their half-sleep. I scaled the steps two-by-two to the platform to see the tail lights of the train disappearing into the gray fog.

@$%&#!! Seriously? Why was the stupid train early? Isn't this like Europe, where you can set your watch by the trains?

Some young girl, probably a student, looked over at me and said, "the real train comes in 4 minutes."

Snotty brat.

Instead of making a face at her, I just let it roll off my back. Besides, my legs were shaking from having done the 100 meter dash and three flights of steps in 30 seconds. I was trying to play it cool and not look like I was about to pass out from the lack of oxygen!

So the real train came and all was well. The conference portion went really well. As with any conference, the 'meat' of the presentations are good, but you learn the most from the conversations you have with people before and after. I met a system CEO of a hospital system in Indiana (one of Muppet's competitors). I know he was just killing time talking to lil ol' me, but that was fine. I learned so much from that guy; he was a quasi-egotistical sage of CEO-dom. He mentioned that he'd help me if I had questions along the administrator path and offered to put in a good word with the CEO of Tampa's BayCare system if I really wanted to move there (we both like Tampa Bay). I was thrilled; after an hour, we were practically soulmates, right? While you do click with people at times, it was a bit strange...but I found myself jotting down notes about our conversation when i was in my next session (when I should have been paying attention to healthcare costs as a portion of the GDP and what my generation has to do about it because all the current CEO's will be living in their villas in Anguilla).

Day One was awesome. Especially because my assistant was obviously taking very good care of my email box. She keeps me from overflowing while I'm out...but it dawned on me that I hadn't received an email since about 9:30 a.m. Then I realized I was going to miss some friends I had planned to meet for a quick dinner because I wasn't getting emails. My email wasn't working and I was stuck. Dangit!!!!!

Suddenly without plans and without an urge to shop, I ran to the nearest train station a few blocks away, relishing the thought of a restful evening. I was SO exhausted after the day and while I love my friends, I could catch them the next day. Arriving at the train station, I checked my little time grid, saw that a train was due in 5 minutes, and marveled at my good luck. Who-hoo!

My train arrived, full to the brim. As the doors began to close after me, the conductor announced that this train was not stopping at my particular stop. Huh? I dashed off the train, and waited for the real train which was another 3 minutes later. I never pick up trains from that station and had no idea.

The real train then arrived and I jumped on. I settled into my Wall Street Journal. Anxious to go home, I checked my little time grid to check out my arrival time. It skipped my station. Huh? I studied the grid for a full 3 minutes before deducing that the first train, the mistaken train that supposedly wasn't stopping at my stop, WAS indeed my real train. DANGIT!!!!!

I disembarked at a station before my skipped station. Luckily, there are enough idiots who do the same thing and a small group of us huddled on the platform to await the next train. 13 minutes later, we were on our way home. I talked the conductor into NOT charging me for another train ride.

THEN, for my last stop before collapsing on the couch in my pj's, I stopped to fill up my gas tank. After topping off, I nearly forgot to close my fuel cap. Then I forgot to clear my credit card info. Then when I arrived home, safe in the confines of my own garage, I put my car in "park," grabbed my stuff, and got out. Then I promptly got back in the car to TURN OFF THE IGNITION. DANGIT!!!!!!!

Luckily, Day Two of the conference was much much smoother and I wasn't such an airhead. But I've already blabbed enough for tonight and will save my hot air for another night!

It's that Time Again

Travel season is in full swing and after a refreshing weekend in SB with family and friends, I'm back in Chicago this week for the annual ACHE conference.

It's the stuffy conference, where everyone wears black or charcoal suits. Seriously. So what am I going to wear? A black suit with black and white shell. I *should* wear a hot pink or turquoise suit; that'd make a splash!

So, because we live and work in metropolitan Chicago, the hospital will not reimburse a hotel for Chicagoan conferences. I have sessions from 7 a.m. through 5:30 p.m. tomorrow and Tuesday AND there's a Muppet dinner forming tomorrow night. So I completely envision taking the train into downtown, doing my thing, taking said train home, hitting the bed for a few hours, then repeating. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful to have the opportunity to attend this conference...but wish I could feel a bit more rested during and after it.

According to the gospel of Outlook calendars, I'm full Wednesday and Thursday and the class I'm teaching is starting Friday. So if I survive all of this, I'll catch you next weekend!

Happy first week of Spring (we made it through the winter!....insert cheers here)

Joke Journal: Consequences

[This is bad and so not-PC, but it cracks me up every time.]

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago,' the homeless woman told me.

' Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

' Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well,' I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

Expensing a Shake

I was approving a stack of my staff's expense reports and found one from an employee who does not submit many reports. Curious about her expenditures, I found that the report detailed her roundtrip mileage to an off site class I remembered approving. Always thorough, she also included a copy of the mileage she printed off from Google maps.

I flipped through the map and something caught my eye....the "to" location was a McDonald's (rather than the university to which she was headed). I fought the urge to ask her how the Shamrock Shake was!

I've been repeatedly enforcing the importance of prompt reporting of expenses for all my staff. They are now compliant.

...But I forgot to submit my own expense report!

Japan

I feel so distraught over the recent events in Japan. The earthquakes, the tsunamis, and now the nuclear meltdown...

I feel like I'm watching the world's worst reality television.

May God be with them.

The Desert

I usually try to keep this blog light and informational (gearing it toward work and the hum-drum of daily life). But despite the stress and busyness of our lives, I am trying to *not* be so busy.

[SO just as a warning, this post is personal. Don't hold it against me if I cannot stay on the path I describe below. And while I am not going to apologize for talking about faith and religion here, stop reading if that sort of thing makes you uncomfortable.]

Anyway, last Wednesday marked the beginning of Lent. Most people know Lent as the time when Catholics give up candy or reruns of old Cheer episodes. For others, it's a time to reflect on what isn't going exactly right in your life and make some changes. Regardless, we revere this season as a chance to challenge ourselves with some self-deprivation and sacrifice. Jack has a religious understanding of the season, utilizing ritual acts to mark the season. I tend to take a more spiritual approach.

So to help us on our respective journeys and to, hopefully, encourage us to learn from each others' minds, I purchased a book on monastic spirituality . It describes the teachings of St. Benedict as a tool for finding peace in everyday life. Based on a television series in the UK called "The Monastery" (shocking, I know), five lay men entered the monastery for 40 days. They did a similar experiment in the US, at the monastery in New Mexico. What intrigues me about these experiences is that common people like you and me can actually recenter their lives in peace and quiet.

Both notions seem foreign to me right now...peace and quiet.

Whenever anyone asks me how I am, I always respond "I'm so busy!" Or if I'm *really* busy, I will say, "It's been *crazy* busy." If I'm hinging on the brink of breaking down, I'll say, "It's been hellaciously, insanely busy." I cannot remember the last time someone asked me how I am and I answered something like, "I'm peaceful!" Or "I'm truly happy." You get the picture.

Part of it is my personality. However, some of that busyness is freely chosen.

So the very first page of the book asks you, "How did I get this busy?" I felt blindsided by this opening chapter title, unable to even get past it as I began reading the book. How did I get this busy? The book then goes on to discuss the roots of busyness...How much of this busyness did I create? How much of it is because I am truly overworked? How much busyness is my ambition creating? Do I like how important I feel when I'm busy? And most importantly, is there a way to undo some of the busyness and regain a sense of balance?

Busyness is a relative concept; everyone perceives their stress and busyness differently. A stay-at-home mom may be busy in balancing laundry, grocery shopping, dinner, and running kids all over the town for sports practices. A student may be busy in working a part-time job while in full-time college. An aspiring hospital manager might be filling her plate with a few too many items and trying to change the world a little too quickly. All of these people risk burn-out.

Rather than becoming an examination of conscience, for me, it became an examination of ambition, drive, and goals. And I realized the concept of "busyness" forms a continuum. One end of the continuum is a selfless busyness and the other is a selfish busyness. So if all of my hard work and stress is for God and serving God's greater glory, well, it might be okay that I'm this busy. But if I discover that I am trying to serve myself and my own vanity by my accomplishments, well, that's not so great.

And that's where I am, caught somewhere in the middle. I'm very objective and goal-oriented and usually need quantitative scorecards to measure progress....and this is one "goal" I cannot measure. Not to mention, it usually takes a lifetime to complete.

I may discuss this more as I work through the book. Some of it's very personal, but I think other people are trapped in their own notions of busyness, too. Perhaps we can learn together.