Climbing Canyons

When I packed to move to my new place, I brought a couple DVD's. Knowing I wouldn't have cable, I thought it smart to bring such favorites as Mamma Mia, The Holy Grail, Rudy, and of course, Finding Nemo. Tonight's definitely a "Rudy" night.

I decided I needed a dose of good ol' Notre Dame motivation today. Things are going well, so well I can barely believe it. I have been integrating myself in meeting after meeting, taking new subject matters as they arise and digesting all the material later. Yesterday, I spent about nine hours in high-level strategic meetings and while I didn't have more than two sentences to contribute, it was a priceless experience to see how the senior leaders think. Half of my job is learning the intricacies of hospital administration; half is to observe the leaders themselves and figure out how to think objectively and ask the right questions.

I've been given a pager, hundreds of business cards, and stacks of leadership and motivational books. My calendar is booked to the minute, I rarely have time to eat, and everyone treats me with utmost respect because my badge says "Administration." I keep questioning what being an executive really means...I always thought it meant you wore suits, attended high-level meetings, and played golf. Being thrust into it, it demands all of those things (even the golf), but you have to actually walk the walk. You have to live and breathe the managerial culture and embody the corporate values. Tall order? Yes.

The problem is that I'm so worried about how I present myself to others. For instance, I sat in on a legal review this morning (three hours) and received an overview of the service excellence endeavors in the hospital. I was one tired, brain-dead pup. So I skipped a meeting and have to trust that I make the correct decisions in these situations. While I want to attend every single meeting I can, I realized that I sometimes have to stop and digest some of the material or I won't be able to absorb much of anything. But silly ol' me, I'm still battling my insecurities.

So while I'm still struggling with others' perceptions of me (I know that true leaders don't give a lick about what others think of them), I'm immersed in adminsitrative functions and initiated some executive coaching among the best in their fields. Hence the "Rudy" moment I'm craving. I need some inspiration to go against the grain (and sometimes against myself) and rock it. Rudy always makes me feel warm and fuzzy, especially when he goes against all odds and turns his underdog status into a shining virtue.